


The Bond That Ties Us

by bambithepenguin



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Hurts (UK Band), Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Angst, Confrontations, Deception, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, Humor, M/M, Personal Growth, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2017-01-14
Packaged: 2018-08-11 08:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7883326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bambithepenguin/pseuds/bambithepenguin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex has been dreaming of writing the Bond song since he strummed his guitar for the first time. In the days of inertia and blues, he sees this opportunity as the only torch in the gloom. But The Last Shadow Puppets are not alone in the competition for the legendary soundtrack — Hurts are also in the shortlist, and the possibility of losing to them drives Alex crazy. Eager to console his friend, Miles comes up with a tricky plan... Will Alex get his old dream or will the strategy backfire and turn his stagnant life upside down?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Your Villain

“This is literally a dream-turned-horror. Taming a wave only to tumble into the Mariana Trench seconds after. As if you grow wings and take off but then collide with a fucking pigeon. A poisonous smell sprinkling out of the blue flower when you’re finally an inch close to grabbing it…”

“You’re picturing the sprinkling a bit premature, aren’t you?” Miles sighed from the couch, aiming for a joke but too tired to act out the appropriate intonation. His thoughts were slowly slipping away towards a lush sandwich and a cup of coffee.

But the raging orator did not seem to need a lunch break. Alex performed a characteristic intense shrug in the spirit of a mildly electrified deer and rushed into another circle around the room. With an understanding doomed smirk, Miles stretched lazily, preparing himself for the next hour of vexed metaphors.

“Alright, it hasn’t. Then it’s… like learning it could when you’re already bending for it,” Alex corrected himself while continuing his infuriated circular marathon around Miles’ living room.

“Been watching Discovery Channel out of boredom too much again? This shit is getting into you, mate. You might bloom yourself soon.”

“No bloom until they decide. And by ‘decide’ I mean ‘stop fucking around and choose us ‘cause we were obviously born to do it’. Unlike some.”

“I suppose theirs is sick too if it’s just the four of us in the competition by now,” Miles dared to make a friendly remark, “The second best,” he added quickly, pinned down by Alex’s glare, “The one we’ve written certainly beats everything. You know it does, no fucking doubts about it.”

Another shrug, this time accompanied with untranslatable spiral waves of his hands, and another round of angry stomping around the room. Miles stood up and seated his unnerved friend on the couch with the patience of a mommy dog putting her restless puppy into the box.

“You were one circle close to trampling down a whole round chunk of concrete to fall on the head of a lovely old lady who lives just below me,” Miles explained, flopping down beside, “Plus circling birdies around my head are starting to look like little circling Turners.”

Alex gave the joke zero points and an unimpressed frown.

“Al, you’ve really got to chill,” Miles went on, giving him little cheering pushes, “We’ve written a tune to knock anyone’s knocks off! Well, mostly you did, this whole thing being the center of your musical universe or something like that… And you rocked it, rocked your ambition of many years! If the film guys don’t get its grandeur, it’s their loss, not ours.”

Annoyed, Alex was bouncing on the couch unwittingly and thus even more hilariously.

“It’s not them who’s going to get their lifelong dream shattered to pieces, though,” Alex grumbled, “Mi, you know how I’ve been dreaming of writing the Bond theme song since, like, I strummed my guitar for the first time. And now a chance came, but… there’s all this obscurity and helplessness… and to lose it to them would be like… I don’t know… like when…”

“Yeah, come on, accumulate the venom.”

“I don’t even know how to put it! Like… the opposite of the icing on the cake. Ashes in a gross salad or something.”

“Alright. Hope you didn’t leave all your lyrical talents in the Bond tune to move on with… the salad stuff.”

“I just mean it would feel twice as bad since I don’t really like them,” Alex sighed murkily, “Be it Tame Impala or, like, Queens of the Stone Age… a much lesser scale for the problem.”

Miles sustained a few second of silence, expressing sheer sympathy and understanding. But then he blurted a single brief sentence that aroused the volcano again.

“Yeah, it hurts.”

A trainlike humming noise.

“Miles, for fuck’s sake! I’ve been whining for an hour now, and you just had to use this exact word!”

“Ahem, sorry. It causes substantial emotional pain and anguish,” Miles declared in a stiff radio announcer voice with a smile, “It torments. Excruciates. Tantalizes!”

“Extremely helpful, melancholy thesaurus.”

“Well, what can I do?” Miles shrugged with fadeless cheer, “The songs are written, we can’t possibly work at ours to make it any better, and it doesn’t need any enhancements, anyway. It’s just a matter of luck. Like they said, they’re going to see where the film goes and choose the more suitable song when everything else’s almost done.”

“That could take months!” Alex yelped, “What am I supposed to do until they finally fucking get it together?”

“The latest dynamics tell circle the length of the Great Wall of China around my flat but I hope you find other options.”

Alex smiled faintly but came back to the immensely offended child face in a second.

“But what if they don’t take it in the end?”

“There’ll be other Bonds and other opportunities. They make them every two or three years, don’t they? We’ll just try again if this one fails. They take it – great, let’s have the biggest party. They don’t – well, fuck it and fuck them. We’ll be fine and do something even better,” Miles said lightly, placing firm and promising emphasis on the last pronoun. Sure enough, he would be fine. Alex, most probably, would not. Particularly without his support.

Finally, silence was the answer. And yet, Alex’s wistfully wrinkled forehead and his tense stare at the wall did not give the impression of calm and acceptance. The deal was too big for him just to move it aside for a while and wait resignedly. For Miles, it was easier, as he did not have a childhood dream to guard or an overly reflective attitude to fight with. But he was worried as well. Mostly not for the outcome of the rivalry but for his sulking friend who viewed this opportunity as no less than some kind of magic wand, capable of fixing everything around and inside within seconds.

The bleak blots on Alex’s spirits had shown themselves even before the aggravating silent fight. His bandmates being concentrated on their families and Miles coming back to London to work on his solo career, Alex felt lonely and unsought, and, for creative souls, this state is often a welcoming environment for other mind microbes to grow. The inner plague of desolation and self-hatred grew and grew. Soon, with no other reasons at all, he started doubting his skills, his achievements, his likeability and simply his everything. Miles realized the wrong timing of his leave quite quickly and insisted on Alex staying with him in London for a while. Alex agreed surprisingly fast but arrived with a face so funereal as if up there, on a plane, he had seen a darkness creeping up to the city and knew it was going to swallow it whole.

From what Alex was mumbling from day to day, Miles caught what was the torch in his gloom. Alex was certain that this exact victory was the key. It would open a new road, it would revitalize everything, it would prove something – first of all, to Alex himself. He stubbornly considered this song not only a helpful stick to clutch and get out, but a whole raft, capable of delivering him anywhere. Miles could not make it moor any faster, no matter how he wanted to cheer Alex up and remind him that it was not just about it – there was an ocean of possibilities around him. They could only sit and wait.

“Hey, if they don’t take our song, we’ll just film our own James Bond and write the whole soundtrack,” Miles promised hotly, patting Alex on the shoulder, “And they can go fuck themselves.”

“Mm-hm,” Alex mumbled with a reluctant smile.

“Why not?”

“Because this is, you know, a kindergarten technique. A kid doesn’t let another kid play in the sandbox, and the latter one is like, ‘I don’t need your sandbox, I’ll build a better one and just for me!’. And in the end… he sits all alone in a puddle below a tree.”

Miles smirked, and Alex went on regretfully.

“I’m just sad there is no way to affect the situation somehow. And it disturbs me, the possibility of losing to a band that I don’t even like or know much. It h… puts down twice as much.”

His conclusive and slightly apologetic sigh was the full stop for the lengthy whining. Alex realized clearly that Miles could not change a thing, and it was bad to irk him in vain that much. The patient consoler, however, suddenly beamed like a summer sunrise.

“Well, then we should just think of a plan that would eliminate that possibility,” Miles said jocosely. Gladly playing along with the new game, Alex replied correspondingly.

“Do you suggest we kidnap and imprison them in an abandoned castle in the middle of green nowhere until the whole thing ends? Or why go small – just get rid of them from the start? Gloss your gun, you fearless boy!”

“Jesus, Al, you should’ve played the villain instead of trying to get the theme song,” Miles shook his head and jumped up. A pompous standing position apparently fit his big plan better. “Yeah, we most definitely can’t affect the deciders. But what if we affect the rivals?”

“Eh?” Alex only squeezed out, studying Miles’ inspired grin and trying to grasp whether he was being serious, “Like, in a… bad way?”

“Why start a war when you can bring peace into play?”

“Wisely said, Miles. Wisely said. But I still can’t grasp your wily plot.”

“We should try to pal up with – Theo and Adam, aren’t they? – and talk them into retreat as soon as we gain their trust. And you’ll be the diversionist, whining at their ears for hours like you just did. Anyone would surrender.”

Alex snorted and threw one of The Beatles pillows at the grinning strategist.

“I mean, seriously!” Miles cried out, beating the pillow back masterfully so that it flew at Alex, “If they were our friends or…” Miles paused and crooned in a deep and accented voice, “Nos amis particuliéres… You could just tell a melting story about your childhood dream, all that stuff… Who knows, maybe they’re not too fixed on the idea to take a step aside because, like… feelings, sympathy and shit?”

“And who’s talking about the villain part!” Alex chuckled, “Did you really just imply a weapon so raunchy?”

“Well, this part is optional… but personally, I wouldn’t refuse in any case,” Miles admitted and received another pillow, just into his face this time.

“Okay, go rub shoulders with them. Or something else, if you want to. I’ll stay out and watch.”

“Don’t be jealous, honey. You get to play, too.”

“Fucking hell, Miles, do you think we’ll break our way with a questionable foursome?!”

“It’s you who said it, not me,” Miles burst out laughing, “The point is just to reach a contact and try to use it for good. Find their weak spots and play them like a keyboard. The means to do it are up to you. But you’re kind of right, if we could just get them to fall in love with us, it would…”

“You’re actually a cupid with arsenic arrows,” Alex muttered, “And I don’t think they hunt in pairs.”

“It’s two divided by two here, though. Can I take the singing one?” Miles wondered enthusiastically, and Alex let out a pshaw of disregard.

“Whatever. I don’t really care for them in equal proportions. Choose whoever heats you up more. Fuck, wait, it doesn’t mean I agree!” Alex hurried to shout when he saw Miles nodding gladly.

“We should hang out with them,” Miles said, shrugging off the vexation, “It’s going to be fun!”

Grudgingly accepting the fact that his disapproval just had no weight whatsoever, Alex sighed and sprawled on the couch to signify that the planning session was over for the time being – and preferably, forever. The plan did not appeal to him for an endless list of reason. It slipped away from him, whether Miles was actually intending to go for this strategy or was just entertaining Alex with funny stories. And yet, Alex could not sweep it away at once for two reasons. One: amidst a crisis that bad, Alex really wanted to get that theme song, almost to the point of spitting on certain beliefs and attitudes. Two: it was Miles who came up with it, and Alex knew how even the weirdest ones of Miles’ ideas often turned out to have a grain of gold to them.

Alex looked away from the dull ceiling and paused his musings to see Miles sitting on the couch and tapping something on his phone quickly and confidently. Probably looking for a person to provide the necessary phone numbers. And indeed, just after a minute, Miles put the phone to his hear and broke out into a rhapsodic monologue.

“Hey, is it Theo? This is Miles, of The Last Shadow Puppets! Yeah, nice to hear you too. I was just thinking, we’re in a kind of tricky situation now, but that’s not a reason to make war, right? How about the four of us hang out this week? Yes, Al and I are very excited…”

Alex could not resist and pushed the smooth talker with his leg as a sign of total disagreement.

“…to get to know you,” Miles finished imperturbably, “Aren’t we all on the same side in the end, as in music in general?”

Then there was a pause in the speech for, as it seemed to Alex, a whole minute; he could only hear muffled enthusiastic buzzing in Miles’ phone and see his face flaring with excitement. Alex dared to hope that the plan was crumbling down that very minute, which would save him a lot of nerves. However, Miles’ face did not switch off, and he concluded the talk.

“Sick! Friday, 8 p.m., Roadhouse Bar, that’s the deal. See you!”

As soon as Miles put the phone away, Alex pushed him again and remarked lazily:

“Won’t see me, though.”

“I’ll deliver you there in a pram if I have to,” Miles promised, “But do you really want an emergence so disappointing?”

***

“I trust myself in a bakery more than I trust them,” Adam declared as he and Theo were walking down the street on Friday. Talking Adam into joining the night had been an even more extended and strenuous process. Theo, nonetheless, was illuminating the entire wide and crowded street with his enthusiasm. He loved the idea from the start, and, whereas Adam encountered it as a shifty plan, Theo considered the intention to be the most honorable and peaceful.

“Oh, stop it, Adam. What are the reasons for that?”

“Well, I don’t know, the rivalry in progress, maybe?” Adam asked sarcastically.

“Yeah, we’re kind of competing at this point but it shouldn’t be a feud! In music, you’re always competing with everyone but competing with nobody at the same time,” Theo breathed out, “Because each has their own thing, and this is all that matters. And the more pals you make along the way, the better.”

“I’ve always appreciated your optimism bordering on childlike naivety,” Adam acknowledged sadly, “But you’ve got to realize that there are reasons to assume that not everybody might see the situation in such a sublime light.”

“Well, yeah, I figured it’s more of a twinkling candle for you.”

“Not just me. How do you know their intentions are that noble?”

“And why not?” Theo wondered impatiently, “They seem like fine guys. Anyway, how do you imagine them fucking something up? Like, they drug us, and the next day, we wake up chained in a secret cellar?”

“Getting in the spirit of the franchise to get bonus points,” Adam smirked, “Actually, I don’t know how I imagine it. I just find it suspicious, this sudden wish to become friends at this exact point of time and in these exact settings. Frankly speaking, multiple better opportunities have happened during all these years. They’ve never shown any interest. Why now?”

“Probably because these exact settings are an occasion. Like… a bonding theme,” Theo grinned proudly.

Adam frowned and tried to hide a tiny smile in his beard.

“Whatever they want from us, I probably shouldn’t worry because you’ll scare them away with these horrible puns anyway. Theo, listen, just be on the alert, okay?”

“Oops, I think I left my lie detector at home…”

“I understand that there’s a possibility that I’m just catastrophizing over nothing. But there’s also a chance that something’s not alright with this unexpected friendliness. So no open arms, at least for now, deal?”

Theo laughed, looking up to the sky and as if praying for the exhortation to be over.

“I wasn’t going to! It’s just a random night out. Besides, knowing you, I can’t really react with something else but ‘no open legs too then’.”

“Shut up, Theo,” Adam blushed, “But you’ve got a point there, in a way.”

“Wow, and how did those possible endeavors go villainous in your mind?” Theo marveled. Certainly, they were not among his nearest plans – he just tried to understand Adam’s point of view on the situation.

“I’d say their rapturous advent is shady, in the first place. What means they use – we’re going to see that later.”

“Come on, Adam, keep cool,” Theo said with a cloudless smile, “Miles sounded nice and jolly on the phone. I don’t know what Alex is like but they’re at one, right?”

“Exactly. The armies equal.”

“Why are you so warlike about this? From all I know, the song thing doesn’t excite you to the level of waving a sword around and walking upon heads!”

Adam sighed and looked around the corner: the bar was already five steps away. The flickering red name seemed friendly, but Adam mostly saw it as a battle torch. There was little time left for dragging Theo back from the seventh cloud. But he had to, aware of how dear Theo held that career opportunity.

“Look, just… Keep your eyes wide open, will you?” Adam asked softly, “The song case is a smaller deal to me indeed, but I know it means a lot to you, and I wouldn’t want it to be taken away, particularly in some dodgy way that has nothing to do with fair play. I just have that bad feeling, afraid you might get into some escapade and feel really sad about it later.”

“Alright,” Theo agreed absently, his eyes already jumping all over the building’s façade and a little crowd beside it, and Adam understood that his heavily located admonishment would fall out of Theo’s head right off the bat as soon as they would come in.

***

The other duo set out without the promised pram but with a lot of bickering and balking nonetheless. Persuaded at last, Alex got a teenage rebellion vibe and decided to pick the most ridiculous outfit, although barely understanding what he was trying to say with it. Maybe he was showing how little the compelled mingling meant to him, maybe he wanted to pass off as an arrogant and provocative freak, thus saving himself from any liking and, consequently, the rest of the plan, and maybe it was something of a test.

When Miles, in grey pants and a white shirt – a dry but handsome look – saw his friend, he could only let out a lengthy judging whistle.

“Wow. A denim jacket that has had holes on elbows for as long as I can remember it, a ragged T-shirt with some cartoon shit out of color, and mustard pants. You know how to rock the first impression, darling. Wait, was the idea to pass as a simpleton and then, unsuspected, attack out of nowhere? Cool plan!” Miles laughed so brightly that people in the street started glancing at them. Alex instantly lost half of his rebel attitude and blushed. “And you know what the worst part of your look is? A face like you’re having a lethal chess match with Satan today. Ease up a bit, won’t you?”

“Uh… Actually, the plan was to represent this ridiculous strategy in the form of clothes. You know, that classic film technique, like you’ve got to look like your motives personified,” Alex objected.

“I thought you agreed in the end!”

“Well, kind of. But I never said the plan was good.”

“Let’s not burn this bridge before we’ve crossed it,” Miles suggested jokingly and pulled the gaudy nagger to the bar by the hand.

When they came in, the atmosphere in the bar was already appropriately animated and fevered for a Friday night. They moved through the crowd slowly and noticed Adam and Theo sitting at the bar stand and talking. The thick concentration of rejoicing people allowed movement only so slow as if they were trying to enter a tube station during a peak hour. Meanwhile Alex was studying the glimpse of the rivals who they were supposed to befriend. Adam was wearing a comfortable black turtleneck – a look tidy enough to fit a lot of occasions but a bit too relaxed to show prominent interest. Theo, in an infuriatingly dapper white shirt with rolled up sleeves, apparently was more eager to make a good first impression. “Dream on, fop,” Alex disagreed in his mind on principle, although his mismatched outfit suddenly felt a tad uncomfortable.

The exchanges of heys and hellos was hopelessly unnatural and dead-end: none of them seemed to know how to start a conversation in the situation they were in. Miles broke the silence first, hurriedly ordering drinks to get past all prejudices, and Adam followed him with a brief request to make him something non-alcoholic. Then Theo piped up and crossed out the possibility of anyone else talking at all, rattling at such a tempo that Alex could not even break into the frantic flow. It seemed to be some franchise trivia, knitted together with his many delights about their meeting and just the universe in general.

Adam’s expression was serene and inscrutable. Miles was smiling and looking from one to another and, judging by the rhythm of switches, reconsidering his initial choice. The possibility of spending the evening with that berserk radio did not delight Alex much. At least Adam was the quiet one, and sticking to him would not be a verbose torture.

Before Alex thought of a way to inform Miles about it and plead to keep the original distribution of responsibilities, the drinks arrived. Theo raised his glass and grinned.

“Well, here’s to the bond that ties us!”

Alex chortled so abruptly that half of his whiskey flew down from the glass and added a brownish stain on his wretched T-shirt. The rest of the company stared at him. Even Theo did not expect such a strong reaction to the pun. By the abashment in his eyes, one could assume his jokes were rarely that triumphal.  Alex felt Miles patting him on the back, seemingly trying to stop him from coughing but, with that grin on his face, actually just confirming the guess about the decisive shifts in their parts, which made Alex very eager to find a way to take his laughter back. Did one fortunate joke change anything?

When the four glasses were empty, Alex stared at Miles and wondered meaningfully, with Theo and Adam watching without a clue:

“So… fine whiskey, wasn’t it? Weren’t you aiming for a gin and tonic today, though?”

“Nah, can’t remember that,” Miles grinned fondly, enjoying the frustration on Alex’s face, “I thought I’d rather have a whiskey night.”

“But… why? I thought you were sort of fixed on it…”

“Well, suddenly whiskey just appeals more. You don’t really schedule your alcohol life in advance, mate.”

“I love gin and tonic,” Theo broke in timidly, obviously missing the subtext and just trying to support Alex and join the conversation.  Miles waved his arm victoriously.

“See? Each to his own!”

Alex performed the angriest and still childlike pout of his repertoire and grumbled.

“I hope they tell you at your next boxing workout not to drink at all.”

“Oh, do you box?” Adam suddenly broke in, “I’ve been thinking of taking it up for a while.”

“Good for you!” Miles praised him and moved to Adam’s side of the counter, Theo and Alex watching the transfer silently. “Let me tell you more about it…” Miles started ecstatically, putting his hand on Adam’s shoulder, “Well, first of all, it makes you feel badass but also burns a ton of calories, compared to…”

As the athletic discussion swirled up on the spot, the uninvolved and clueless ones stared at each other awkwardly. Both could neither contribute to the conversation nor at least decrypt a half of it. Not a word to hook to. By then, if he could, Alex would have chosen Adam as well: he seemed tranquil and intelligent enough for a more or less enthralling conversation, while Theo was an utter discomposure.

“So you’re not a fighter too, are you?” Theo asked with a benevolent smile.

“I… prefer knocking out with words.”

“Ah, this is where the silence comes from. You’re saving up energy for a deadly metaphor.”

“You’re kind of right,” Alex smiled feebly at the easy decipherment of his usual demeanor.

“Am I under the gun?” Theo clarified, shaking the ice cubes in his glass with a carefree smile.

“I don’t just shoot all around. Give me a reason,” Alex mumbled, hunching and staring at the bar stand. He could not make himself say this into his face – it was too close to the nasty truth.

“Okay, I will,” Theo laughed with a soft ambiguous overtone. Indeed, what was the everlasting number one reason for metaphors in songs and poems, after all?

“Don’t you regret it when you see the barrel of a gun,” Alex warned, maintaining the unbelievably false-bottomed conversation.

“I’ll take a noble defeat as a blessing,” Theo beamed, his eyes clear and eager.

Alex was at a loss as for how to react to this. If anything, he was supposed to ogle Theo, not vice versa. This facilitation, rather than helpful, felt unsettling and awkward, even though Alex was touched by how it came not because of, but despite. Despite him dressed like a drunk clown, despite his completely unwelcoming face and scarce answers, despite their concealed but progressing war.

“I, uh… am not interested in defeats so fast and easy,” Alex finally murmured, “It would be like a five-minute-long blockbuster, and they don’t make them this short for a reason.”

“Yeah, I know. By the way, it’s kind of ironic, all this, isn’t? From a big screen, it would seem like an intro to a massive yet convoluted confrontation. Which is twice as amusing, considering we’re basically contending for that very screen,” Theo smiled so kindly as if all the rivalry terms he had just mentioned were actually about some other people they did not even know personally.

Confounded by yet another correct shot in the dark, Alex looked right at Theo for the first time, intently and suspiciously. No, that guy would hardly pass as a disingenuous reprobate. He had eyes too kind and welcoming for the entirety of the world. And his thin eyebrows always gave his face an innocent and as though abashed expression.

Alex turned to Miles to find some support, at least a non-verbal token. Miles was too engaged in the sports debates with Adam and did not pay attention to the stumbling coquetry behind his back. Having caught a few words in the bar noise, Alex came back to Theo with a sigh.

“Shit, he switched to wrestling now. Which means we’ve just tragically lost both of them,” Alex murmured in distress. Along with Miles, he had lost the last guidance for his confused mind.

“Come on, let them chat. And we can kind of get lost together too,” Theo suggested clumsily, still trying to power up the conversation.

“Uh… As in hide-and-seek?”

“Yes,” Theo answered, to Alex’s surprise.

“This is… Wow. Alright. Wild Friday adventures.”

“Actually, a bit of that. Do you like roofs?”

“Well… I prefer my accommodation with one, yes…”

Theo giggled, and Alex suddenly felt unreasonably proud.

“I just know a staff guy here,” Theo explained, “He worked backstage at our concerts a couple of times, we had good chats. And I think he mentioned something about it, so I should find him and ask for the keys if you’re into calmer places. Because I figured you might be.”

“I am, most of the time. Just…” Alex stuttered and added in his mind, “Just probably not with a half-stranger and in settings so dubious.” But there was a plan. And the plan suggested accepting this odd courtship and making it serve the strategy.

Alex looked at Miles once again and, seeing his disinterested back and enthusiastic parodies of wrestling moves, demonstrated at Adam, flamed up and jumped down from the chair decisively.

“Alright, lead me, slyboots,” Alex sighed, trying to chase away the tingling forefeeling how desolate and strangely cozy the roof would be and how naughtily the stars would wink at them from above.

The said guy turned out be a friendly and helpful young chap with a not so subtle unrequited crush on Theo. His illuminated face fell immediately when Alex peeked from behind Theo’s tall figure. Basically, nothing telling, but Alex felt how the uncalled sentimental scene was probably still beaming in his own every evasive look and every nervous motion. The guy cut the compliments at once and held out the key stiffly. Theo took it with an unaffected gracious smile and went upstairs, Alex following him, somewhat embarrassed by the scene.

“I think you’ve just broken the poor kid’s heart,” Alex noticed, trying to catch up with Theo’s energetic leaps up the stairs.

Theo slowed down a bit and shrugged vaguely, his face getting slightly dimmer – that was pretty much the answer.

“Just another Friday night, isn’t it?” Alex clarified. Less than an hour with this funny lad – and Alex was already convinced he was an accomplished heartbreaker. Looking uncomfortable and almost missing a step, Theo did not seem to agree. The blush on his cheeks was so saturated that you could notice it even on the run.

“Um, no. It’s just… Do you really think I have?”

“Well, I thought you could hear the debris ringing around the room…”

“Oh fuck. I didn’t think he… I feel really bad about it now, it must’ve felt like I’ve played with his feelings on purpose.”

“Unacceptable,” Alex commented, talking mostly to himself.

“Yeah, I just… And how did you get the idea this is some kind of routine of mine?” Theo wondered, suddenly switching to a vexed tone.

“Eh… I didn’t mean to…”

“Isn’t it embarrassing, this constant necessity to contend with some flattened image of yourself?” Theo sighed, stopping at the metal ladder that led to the trapdoor, “Sometimes I get a feeling people actually take an interest in some other inexistent person, but when they get the real me instead, this is sort of frustrating.”

“Yeah, I understand… Sorry,” Alex mumbled with sympathy, watching Theo balancing on the ladder and fumbling with the key, “If it cheers you up, I don’t really follow the media much, so I’m open to know the actual you… or whatever version you’ll be kind enough to show me.”

The supportive phrase, uttered in Alex’s unintentionally dreamy voice in the semi-darkness of the narrow staircase, came out rather flirtatious. Theo looked away from the trapdoor with a happy smile, and Alex could almost feel the lovely foolery of the upcoming reply. Sadly, Theo did not manage to let it out as his foot slipped and got him sliding down the metal bars. Miraculously managing to stretch his arms out just a second before being knocked down, Alex caught the tumbling singer – well, ‘caught’ was a big word for that stance, but at least Theo did not greet the floor with his butt.

“So it takes exactly one nice line for you to land into somebody’s arms?” Alex smiled.

Theo snorted, climbed out of his embrace proudly and got back on the ladder.

“I’m not that undemanding. You’ve got to provide two more or a single truly fantastic one,” Theo smirked, as the shabby trapdoor finally creaked open, and disappeared in the darkness above. By then, Alex was so intrigued that he followed with a second of doubt.

The rooftop was compact and full of brick parallelepipeds of unknown purpose. Alex found Theo already perching on one of them and raising his dreamy gaze to the sky. Gentle moonlight frolicked in his eyes and gave his lean figure a mystical blue glow. Should not even the unattainable glimmering stars stutter when relentlessly stared at by the beauty that almost surpassed them? Waving the passing question off, Alex sat on the same brick surface shyly. For a while, it was just the endless sky of the dark ocean color and comfortable silence. Alex felt the closest to peace he had ever been those days. As if all the bothers had been left far below, in the plain world. Which was strange, considering that one of the biggest sources of worries was sitting just beside him.

“Is this promenade a reference to Skyfall, by the way?” Alex wondered, his eyes exploring the calmly twinkling panorama of London.

“No, actually, that roof was the Department of Energy and Climate Change,” Theo informed so speedily as if his mind had a built-in Google, “But this one’s beautiful too, isn’t it?”

“It is. I’ve almost forgotten… certain heights,” Alex admitted vaguely and instantly sent the hint in a simpler direction, “I mean, in LA, where I live, it’s all about those small houses, and the sky is so far away.”

“Well, so you meet again! I’m your heaven pathfinder.”

Alex laughed into the quiet night air.

“This is some ancient drama shit. You would be Theodorus, the god of prattle and clumsiness.”

“Oh really? Thank you, Alexandros, the god of gloom and shadows.”

“That’s kind of nice, actually. And, in any case, I’m a god!”

“You’re not almighty, though. I give you 5 seconds, and I bet you can’t find a girl with a huge bunch of flowers walking down the streets. I owe you a drink if you do,” Theo suddenly suggested a game, and Alex wobbled his head from side to side in panic.

“Fuck, you gave me too little time! Shit, I just… Where the fuck is she? Oh, I see, I see!” Alex shouted triumphantly, pointing at the said character somewhere below on the left, “I’ve found her! Where’s my drink?”

“Shaken, not stirred?” Theo smirked, “Absolutely not coming here if you don’t want to fall.”

“I’m already falling a bit,” Alex outbabbled with a mysterious smile before he actually thought about it. The line between the real him and the strategic character got quite fine really sweepingly.

“Are you?” Theo stared at him, his lips curved slyly, “And I’ve already fallen by now.”

Not even having processed his own slippy innuendo and instantly getting another portion of rash development, Alex stared at Theo with his mouth agape.

“On the ladder, a few minutes ago,” Theo added and burst out laughing in a high-pitched voice.

“You’re one pun away from falling quite literally,” Alex showed him a fist in a jocose manner.

“Was what you said a pun as well?”

“This is it, I’m done with you. By the way, you know, I’ve always wanted to play a Bond villain. I’m going to start right now,” Alex declared, standing up on the brick surface in a playfully threatening manner.

“So I’m James Bond, aren’t I?” Theo wondered enthusiastically, on his feet at once as well.

Of course, he was. The charm, the wit, all that retro debonairness – he had everything.

“Well… seems so.”

“Sorry then, the rules insure my victory,” Theo announced. He checked out the riskiness of their disposition – at most, they could only fall on the roof, and it would not hurt much. Suddenly he grabbed Alex’s collar with both hands and held him over the imaginary abyss with a dramatic face of a professional action film star. Dangling on the thin denim cloth of his jacket and giggling, Alex watched how a smile was breaking Theo’s concentrated and dramatic face. For some reason, he was not even scared that Theo would drop him, that Theo would harm him in any way. The zero gravity in his careful grasp was even somewhat pleasant. The stars above were laughing, and the brightest two were hazel colored.

“Ah, I get your plan. You push me off the roof and get the theme song. I should’ve understood when you first suggested this out of nowhere.”

“Right. Fare the well, Alex,” Theo said in an elevated voice and pretended to loosen the clutch and let him fall on the concrete roof. Seconds later, he dragged him back and fixed Alex’s crumpled collar. “Actually, I’m really happy we hang out like this, in spite of the… seemingly inimical situation we’re in,” he explained earnestly, “Without any ill feelings or rivalry. Because I don’t think we actually have something to conflict over. Getting the song would be wonderful, of course, and I’ve had that rosy dream for quite a while, but… in the end, the more good music, the better, right? So come what may. And whatever happens, I hope it doesn’t pull us apart.”

Alex agreed with neither words nor gestures and just looked down, extremely ashamed. He wished he could have this carefree attitude instead of the secret crime on his mind, which felt heavier when aimed not at a faceless enemy but at a lovely and amicable fellow, smiling right beside him.

“Look, a shooting star!” Theo exclaimed in awe, watching its flickering path, “Make a wish right now!”

“Do you reckon the universe accepts two identical wishes at the same time?” Alex asked with a grain of annoyance. To him, it was absolutely obvious what wish was stuck in their minds. But Theo just grinned evasively.

“How do you know they’re identical?” he asked and then added in a lower voice, “Maybe one day, though… But I shouldn’t tell you. It won’t come true then.”

The way Theo was staring at him expressively and probably a bit of his own newborn longing made Alex want to ask audaciously whether he was involved in the wish one way or another.

“There’s a big chance, though, I think,” Theo said pensively, as if answering the unuttered question.

“Uh… Well, hope there is.”

“You see, this is the trick about making wishes. You shouldn’t waste them on, like, finding a magic wand or gaining a superpower. Or major things you can nowise influence anyway. The best way is to wish on something that’s already close and just needs a little bit of luck,” Theo explained with an earnest expression and bit his lower lip as he looked at Alex again.

Oh, damn. If he had actually wished what Alex suspected, their intentions crossed in a way. But crossed not like paths in the woods, giving a random walker a choice of pleasurable destinations. They crossed like swords, foreshadowing pain and conflict. Fairly speaking, hadn’t it been scripted from the start, though? And didn’t Theo’s noticeable inclination make the plan easier? Not really. Just harder, in a way. Alex had not really thought it through and underestimated the rascality of the idea.

They sat on the rooftop for about an hour more and talked about the Bond franchise – and multiple other things – constantly switching between intricate observations and trifling puns. Then they got calls from Miles and Adam, who had apparently run out of sports to discuss at last. The four reunited outside, at the bar’s door. Miles was smoking, and Adam frowning at the shambling couple, his arms crossed in a distrustful manner. Alex felt like he had just done something sweetly forbidden, like when, at a teenager party, some couple suddenly disappears without any explanation, and when they come back, the rest of the guests are flashing them understanding smirks. Miles was giving him just that.

“Where’ve you been?” Miles wondered, “We were in the middle of making up a top-50 of wrestlers, and then we suddenly noticed you two were gone.”

“On the roof, fleeing from your sports talk,” Alex said, “It was getting too manly in the room, so we had to get some fresh air.”

“And what did you discuss for so long, if I may ask?” Adam grumbled, very visibly disgruntled by their brief escape.

“James Bond, shooting stars and the intricate science of making wishes,” Theo admitted.

“Aw, you two are so cute,” Miles smirked, a cloud of smoke leaving his mouth.

Alex pretended to be too busy listening to the song coming from the bar to catch the kindhearted sneer. However, at times, Miles was really persistent about knocking his jokes in.

“So how did you find the rooftop?” he went on cheerily.

“Fantastic!” Theo said.

“And the roofbottom?” Miles crooned, looking at Alex who rolled his eyes and took a demonstrative step aside.

“I’m just going to pretend I don’t know you.”

“Only glad you enjoyed the night, whatever the means were,” Miles shrugged, “We should hang out again.”

“Totally,” Theo piped up willingly, after silent seconds of trying to figure out his reaction to the joke, and Adam nodded politely.

Then Miles and Theo starting to babble about something music-related, Adam stared at his phone, and Alex felt left out. He lighted a cigarette and glanced at the rooftop above, drained by contradictory feelings and struggling to answer the suggestion at least in his head. On the one hand, he wanted to drop this cunning operation right away and cross out any further gatherings. On the other hand, he was actually interested in another encounter. But a more personal and private one, which would go without Miles’ impudent jokes and Adam’s disapproving glances. Just him and his enemy. His smiling, loquacious, ingenious and beauteous enemy.


	2. He Strikes Like Thunderball

The next few days condensed the fog, and on Wednesday, Alex was choking on it alone in his flat. He tried to confide his troubles to nylon strings but the answer was indistinct and far from enlivening. Songs just would not flow after the accursed soundtrack, and lyrics came out in ugly knots.

In a state like this, Alex’s first option was usually to call Miles, but currently that opportunity was somewhat limited. First of all, Miles was busy in the studio so he and Alex did not talk much. And when they did, the main strategist never mentioned the kooky plan anymore either in a businesslike tone or just in the form of new immodest jokes. Completely perplexed and cautiously avoiding the latter option, Alex did not bring it up too. Maybe it was even for the better that Miles had dropped the idea on the side of the road.

However, the timing of their slapdash retreat was awful. Dismissing the absurd scheme would be easy and fine. Leaving behind a dark-eyed jester who should have stayed just an unknown antagonistic silhouette in the distance? Not really.

Whatever struck Alex in the bar like a sledgehammer, it was virtually the worst possible addition to the problem, whereas the meeting had been supposed to be the cure. He was definitely not in love. And yet, why was his enemy frolicking on the dry meadows of his mind and spreading a fresh flowery path with every step? Enlightened, Alex grasped the guitar again for a simple check. Maybe there was at least a ray of light, a ray bright enough to embrace the roaming chaos of words and notes and tie them into a song… maybe just a verse… damn, even two decent rhyming lines would do… No, nothing.

Alex flung the stubborn instrument away and grabbed his head in distress. He could feel a slight itch of melodies inside his head; so why couldn’t he just pluck them out? This sudden incapacity was infuriating him, even making him wonder whether the jokes were true and he had spent all the creative fuel on the momentous theme song. Feeling like a pathetic squeezed citrus in his favourite world of harmonies was a severe ordeal. The intrusive parallel had only stepped away once those days, and Alex absently flicked through the details of the sweet dismissal. When the entire city was at their feet, when dusk was the brightest hour of the day, when, for a moment, nuclear missiles turned into harmless toy soldiers… How easy and natural the truce felt back then!

Where did the peacemaker disappear, though? The parting was chaotic (Adam dragged Theo away by hand and Miles made Alex back out with another ambiguous joke), and they failed to exchange numbers, but it would probably be of no trouble to find it out. However, Alex lingered. Previously certain that the interest had been coming dominantly from Theo’s side, he felt full not of butterflies but mostly thistles. Had not the flirting been obvious? Alex could not just make it up, could he? Why would he? Such a crush – from either side, actually – was the last thing he needed at the moment. So would it maybe be best to forget everything and stop muddling up the colors while there was a chance? Oh, if anything at all could be at least a passing exit, not to mention the best one…

Alex heard his phone ringing behind the wall and shambled to get it. As soon as he noticed the unidentified digits on the screen from the doorway, his pace got more bustling. Before answering, Alex stared at the phone hopefully, clueless about whether he was hoping for the subscriber to be a certain person or rather to be anyone but him.

“Hi, it’s Theo!”

“Hello, Theo… It’s Alex,” Alex mumbled, high tide attacking him from inside all around.

“How was your weekend?”

“Kind of weird but alright. Been reviewing my, uh… directions in life.”

“Oh, I see. Any important conclusions?”

“No… not really,” Alex mumbled, draining the pinkish waves inside and returning a bow-tie and a gun to their place, “But I’ll give it time.”

“Okay. Are you, by any chance, busy reviewing today as well?” Theo asked, and interest broke Alex’s dam at once, flooding his mind again.

“Well, my inner world ain’t going anywhere, so, I guess, not.”

“Want to go for a walk?” Theo blurted a bit too fast for just a casual walk and with tone leaps too sharp. The combination of an urge to jump of joy and, at the same time, an itch to hit a wall with a fist detained Alex’s reply considerably.

“Oh… Shall we invade another dangerously elevated space?”

“I don’t think so. You literally told me you’re the villain, so I’m not giving you such opportunities,” Theo giggled.

“Ah, hero boy, you underestimate my villainous techniques. This is pure disrespect, to assume I’d choose such a plain and blatant finale,” Alex said, smirking, “Where’s the grotesque? The symbolism? The disturbingly tidy classical music in the background?”

“Okay, if you don’t want to see me, you could just refuse, because death threats are really extra…”

“I thought you’d get the gist. Aren’t we playing hero and villain dynamics now?”

“Do you want to play? Consider the game afloat then.”

“Good. I accept your suggestion, but only if you can come up with something just as cinematic and unconventional as a rooftop,” Alex suddenly declared. During seconds of Theo’s silent quest through the history of film in his mind, Alex had plenty of time to ask himself what the hell he had been saying during the latest minute and how this corresponded the plan, if at all. It would have been much wiser just to say yes and arrange a proper meeting instead of playing with the edgy truth and being a capricious baby about the place. Was this clumsy flirting even appropriate, and, if so, which part of his mind was it coming from?

In spite of Alex’s hesitation, Theo seemed to love such an appeal. After a brief break, he gushed out again:

“Alright, got it! We’re going to an abandoned club today. I’ve seen the pictures the other day, and they’re fantastic. The ghosts of gone fun and music floating all around.”

“How do you get into a place like this?” Alex wondered, surprised and fascinated at the same time, “Do you have insiders head over heels for you all around?”

“A whole network,” Theo laughed, “No, not really. It’s just that I got the impression that getting in there only takes a bit of luck and athleticism.”

“Athleticism? You’ve just eliminated me from the plan, Theo.”

“Ha-ha, you’re very compact, though. I could just throw you into a window, like a three-pointer.”

“Okay, you’re not just inviting me to some shithole but literally throwing me into it?”

“Hero and villain dynamics, Alex,” Theo explained with a hearable grin. Well, Alex thought, apparently it was going to be the motto of their relationship, wherever it would go in the end.

***

“Isn’t this the most charming date I’ve been to?” Alex wondered aloud, perching beside one of the speakers on the empty stage, covered in dust and concert leaflets. An extended hole on the sleeve of his denim jacket, which had originally been intact this time, reminded of the jaws-like broken window that had served them as an unwelcoming entrance. Theo had somehow passed it unharmed, but that achievement had made him so overjoyed that he stumbled over rubbish ten seconds later and gained a few minor bruises. His enthusiasm had not suffered a tad: now he was hopping around the dimly lit and messy room cheerfully and examining the relics from the earlier decades. Alex’s words slowed him down slightly, though.

“It’s, uh… Alright, never mind,” Theo exhaled and changed the topic swiftly, “Look, there’s a bunch of concert posters from the 90s!” he informed, squatting and flicking through some papers on the floor, “Oasis played here!”

“I should take the sarcastic tone back then, I guess,” Alex noticed. This meeting was giving him conflicting feelings. Definitely not because of the place and another spoilt jacket.

“Why the sarcastic tone at all?” Theo looked over his shoulder, a pile of long-gone shows below his gentle hands, “You wanted cinematic, didn’t you? And this place fits perfectly. I think if we were actually making a film, we could shoot the torture scene here. There would be some upbeat 70s tune in the background, to oppose and thus emphasize the horror. And it certainly would be coming from a turntable you have brought in advance because you’re a retro villain and an undercover disco fan.”

“Keep on,” Alex requested, dangling his legs like an amused child.

“Oh, I don’t know, I need a profound character study first,” Theo laughed off and went to explore the empty bottles on a bar stand, “But this club also fits because it’s a music venue and we’re, first of all, musicians.”

“Actually, this place makes me feel more like a villain,” Alex admitted, staring at the seedy pattern of a ceiling, “I really need my villainous mixtape.”

“Okay, I should probably start running away right now.”

“You just can’t live twenty minutes without falling down, can you?” Alex snickered, and Theo pretended to be aiming one of the dusty bottles at him, but then put it in its place and giggled too.

“Fair enough. It will be a running gag for our secret agent film. I mean, I will be a running gag… literally running.”

“Yeah, a gag would probably be the first thing I’d need…”

“This is some kinky shit, Mr. Villain,” Theo noticed, placing the bottles in a tidy row, from the smallest to the biggest one, and naively absorbed.

“I’m just sticking to the trope, Mr. Hero,” Alex apologized, “Aren’t we shooting the torture scene?”

“This is… Yeah,” Theo agreed suddenly. He left the bottles in peace and dragged a ragged bar stool to put it a few steps from the stage and landed on it magnificently, like the only privileged fan at a show. “Come on, script it, I’m listening,” he grinned at Alex, who was sitting on the edge of the stage and staring back just as expectantly. Actually, to script a way to break Theo was just what Alex had to do. Oh, the bittersweet irony. In doubt, Alex fidgeted on the stage and scanned the lamentable building, looking for inspiration.

“I can’t draw a picture right now,” he finally acknowledged, “I’ve got to wriggle into favor first and find your sorest spots. And only then I’ll strike.”

“Really? Not even a vague fucked up idea right now?” Theo asked with an unbelieving frown.

“I’ve told you the truth,” Alex said, putting his right hand on his heart.

Yes, it was sheer truth indeed, even though Theo could not know the way it actually worked. This date, with getting into a dusty burrow through a window, literally confessing the evil intentions and discussing torture scenes, just could not get any weirder. And was it even a date? It was only Alex who used this label, half a Freudian slip. Theo did not; and there was a big chance he was just too polite to correct him.

“Alright, let’s switch to the second part,” Theo smiled pleasantly, “Want to resuscitate this empty stage?”

“The neighborhood is going to be delighted. This is where rumors about haunted places come from.”

“Yeah, it’s all me – getting into abandoned buildings just to sing in them and cause eerie rumors… You know, I could do this for the next album’s promo campaign!”

“Then I request some gratitude for the idea,” Alex curved the corner of his mouth, subtly trying to induce a more coquettish spirit in this odd meeting. Theo stood up, approached the stage, and patted the smirking flirt on the shoulder, weakening his grin to some extent.

“You’ll get an honorable mention,” Theo promised and climbed the stage. With him standing on it magnificently, the forlorn platform suddenly looked twice more convincing and inspirited. “How about we have a Bond songs duel?”

“Aren’t we having one already?”

“This one’s different! By the way, I forgot to ask, what’s your favourite Bond song?”

“Uh… Diamonds Are Forever or You Only Live Twice, I guess.”

“Nice choice,” Theo nodded, “Mine would be Thunderball. I absolutely love it.”

Theo broke into the majestic song without warning, and Alex crawled back to the corner of the stage to give Theo space and himself a better view. There could not be a less appropriate place for performing this bombastic tune, its melody echoing from the shabby walls and absent intricate orchestrations almost unimaginable between the lines. However, Theo carried out the demanding vocal line in such an impeccable manner that nothing around mattered at all.

Because of that heart wrenching stripped-back rendition, the song seemed to change its message. All those lines about thirst for success and breaking any heart without regret, endlessly repeating ‘strikes’, ‘strikes’, ‘strikes’ – it sounded like a doleful rebuke Theo did not know he was giving. Heartsick, Alex sat and listened, hugging his knees to his chest. How could a voice soothe and stir at the same time? And was it a voice of an enemy, a friend or a future lover?

After the last note, Theo looked at him, and Alex caught the moment the confident triumphalism on his face made way for humble joy. The little change made Alex blush. It felt not like a wide smile designed for concert endings but like a rare and intimate expression.

“Good job,” Alex said, as his heartbeat was still following the rhythmic patterns of the song, “It was splendid.”

“Oh, thank you,” Theo replied modestly, “Now it’s your turn. It’s like there’s a Bond songs festival, and you’re the headliner.”

“I don’t even know if it’s flattering or not,” Alex chuckled, looking around sympathetically, “For the time being, this place would only suit an existential post-punk get-together.”

Theo sat on one of the speakers and smiled, eager to listen. With a joking curtsy, Alex came to the center of the stage and answered Theo’s performance with a lazy rendition of You Only Live Twice, a much lighter song, which Alex transformed into a serenade halfway through. At first, Alex just glanced at Theo now and then, joyfully discovering that the mesmerized eyes were fixed on him with interest no less than Alex himself had just shown. The inquiring and sincere gaze inbreathed Alex with bravery.

“And love is a stranger who’ll beckon you on,” Alex crooned for the second time, kneeling on the dusty floor before Theo, and carried on with their eyes locked together. Stinging expectancy was hanging in the air. The last note made it boil. Wrapped in fading echoes, they stared at each other, and it seemed that old wood planks were beginning to smolder. Just the moment for an impetuous and indecently passionate kiss, by common film standards.

But their film was quite a different story. Outraged by the stillness of Theo’s open lips, Alex dragged his knees through the dust an inch closer. Finally, some motion, but only a lightweight tremble. Another awkward step. Another slow retreat. Alex stretched up and tried to steal a swift kiss. No less persistent about his direction, Theo miscalculated the shape and the size of the speaker and suddenly slipped back to fall on his back, his left foot almost giving the unfortunate kisser a kick on the nose. A big cloud of dust leaped up from the floor.

“It’s, uh… wow… really…” Theo mumbled amongst coughs, “You’re… fantastic…”

Alex asked angrily in his mind whether Theo was complimenting the ceiling because he was only looking at it but suppressed it.

“Thank you, Theo. Shall we call it a draw?”

Theo stood up sluggishly and inspected the catastrophe his clothes had become.

“Yeah, I guess so. We should’ve just harmonized.”

“Maybe next time,” Alex said with a slightly tense smile.

“Lots of creative grounds to explore, aren’t there?” Theo mumbled absentmindedly, just trying to move on from the incident as soon as possible and apparently not intending to linger there even to explain.

“I see you’ve mostly explored creative dirt today,” Alex noticed, concealing how unsettled and heartbroken he actually felt with a common joking grain. Had he misinterpreted Theo’s intents, after all? Or had he done something to make them skew? Either way, Alex felt pitch-black distress. Not as bad as the one related to the Bond song but for reasons partly obvious and partly not, it stood rather close. When he had mixed up in this exploratory promenade, Alex had had another scene in his mind, and he had almost been ready to forgive Theo their inadvertent war.

“Few roads that matter have a clean and smooth start,” Theo said, finally venturing a glance. Alex nodded and begged internally to stop bombarding his fractured ego with Sphinx’s riddles, failing to acknowledge what a good lure it was for him.

“Speaking of roads,” Theo added and reestablished the lively expression – apparently he had already put the awkward occasion aside, “You know, they say there was another big old concert hall on this street centuries ago, famous for its creepy clowns. Maybe on this very place!”

The fact – and mostly its irrelevance and weirdness than the fact itself – made Alex laugh feebly. Freaking creepy clowns. Who else would shrug romance off with such a random piece of urban trivia?

The exit, after an hour or so, cost them another couple of scratches, but the most bruised thing was Alex’s self-esteem. He had stealthily expected this meeting to become an excuse to give up the plan for good and act from the heart. But it had only been a clumsy step onto the territory that Alex had not been invited to, and he felt stupid and vulnerable. He should have just stuck to the plan and kept the romance part feigned. It was just the beginning, and the plan was already backfiring in all possible directions like a pierced balloon bouncing across a small room. At first, he had aimed for resistance but found affability, then he had hoped for convergence but got evasiveness – it seemed like every decision just whirled the board of the game around and left it in a different position and with all figures scattered.

Sunlit and undamaged objects around felt surreal after the brief voluntary imprisonment. It was an awakening – and all the pressure of the real world that comes with it. In broad daylight, the events of the darkness seemed ridiculous. Seeing a wretched building as an inviting date setting, going for a kiss attack so preposterously, just thinking that they could ever be lovers or even friends, thinking that Theo would take an instant interest in somebody so ungainly and moody, that anyone would…

“… such a shame on the shrimps,” Theo finished some anecdote, which Alex had let pass by completely.

“Uh-huh,” he murmured absently, not even asking about the prehistory of the unfortunate shrimps.

“Do we have any other villainous plans for today?”

“I… would rather just go home.”

“Alright. Well, I had a pretty nice day,” Theo said, slowing down for a goodbye, “Did you?”

“Not quite what I expected… but it was alright,” Alex replied with an indefinite shrug. Theo looked somewhat disheartened.

“Wasn’t your demand something cinematic and unusual?”

“I… eh… I guess, it’s just the fragile romantic aura of these places. In pictures, they look all mystical and nice. But when you actually get there, it’s just mostly debris and dirt. And another torn jacket in my wardrobe.”

“Okay, I’ll think of something tidier for the next time we hang out.”

Leastwise, he allowed the possibility of another meeting. What a scanty result for the promising day.

“Will we?”

“Well, the cat-and-mouse thing is bound to go on until one of us catches another, right?”

“I suppose so. You have no idea what game you’re starting. You have no idea,” Alex said half-jocosely, with a malicious glisten in his eyes. Theo did not fail to notice it.

“Whoa, easy there, Mr. Evil. There’ll be no game if you laser me to ash right now.”

“Right. I’ll save that for later in case you’re boring prey.”

“I’ll be a very entertaining planned victim, I swear,” Theo promised cheerfully and stretched his hand out, “And on this optimistic note, I say goodbye for now.”

Alex stared at Theo’s hand as if it was a loaded gun. No, this crush should nowise live and grow. ‘Beguile and entrap’ was the motto.

“Bye, Hero Boy,” Alex enunciated, trying to give Theo’s hand a mighty squeeze but getting lost in his superior clasp, “I’ll catch you next time, that’s a promise.”

Recharged with determination to conquer and defeat, Alex went home in a warlike mood. Earlier mushy motives seemed catastrophically foolish. There was just one reason for him to spend time with Theo – and Alex had to keep this reason in mind more persistently. Turning the weaker side to an enemy was a purely moronic act. After all, who knew what intentions Theo himself had in mind, behind his pacific monologues?

Yet another castling in Alex’s mind, however, had its particularities. He had been hoping that the meeting would be an excuse to drop the plan, and now, in some weird way only Alex could understand, the resurrected plan was mostly an excuse to go after Theo. The border between games and reality, schemes and feelings, wiliness and sincerity had been irredeemably smudged. It was hard to say whether the goal was evil or good, intermediary or final. However, after such a kick in the ego, Alex was zealous to hit back in the meanest possible way.

When at home, he called Miles to inform the main tactician on the situation.

“I’ve got everything covered, captain. A contact’s established. I’m going to make him mine soon. And then I’ll think of a hit cunning enough to smash him completely,” Alex made a cold-blooded report, expecting jolly praise and a carriage of jokes.

“Uh… Alright, good for you, Al,” Miles mumbled as though in surprise.

Such a faltering reaction was a letdown.

“I… is it… not fast enough? I know I’m not really a jet stunner, but he talks an awful lot so I’m bound to catch something soon and turn it to our good.”

“Not fa… Oh man. It’s okay.”

“What’s wrong, Mi?” Alex asked, a bit discouraged by the bleak feedback, “Where’re victorious tunes from a marching band?”

“I’ll get one when it’s over,” Miles said in a carefully jocose voice, “Or I’ll just become a one-man band for the occasion and play you a fanfare.”

“Are you sure everything’s fine? You were so enthusiastic about this, and now you just don’t seem to…”

“Totally fine. Glad you’ve found a new hobby.”

“Uh… okay, let it be under that name. What about your own progress?”

“It’s… progressing,” Miles said evasively.

“Eh, am I alone in this now?”

“No, of course, you’re not. It’s just… I’m a bit busy now, mate. A fuckton of songs to finish. That’s the priority. I’ll catch up within the breaks. And we don’t have to keep each other updated on all that.”

Such apathy perplexed Alex to the core. How on earth was he not supposed to inform his best friend and technically partner in crime? Apart from that, he simply felt like a child pestering others with his stupid little game, whereas everybody had their own bigger things going on.

“Alright, I’ll roll on my own,” Alex said with a pinch of sadness and changed the topic.

There was a weird parallel about this cooling. Miles had constructed the bizarre plan and gushed with enthusiasm – but acted indifferently now, once Alex decided to act. Theo had been the first one to ogle and irradiated allurement – but switched to a solely pally manner, once Alex gave him a corresponding smitten look. But, in spite of these discrepancies, Alex was already determined to play till the end. And eventually, whatever it would take, get… get to… get somewhere.


	3. Mission Impossible

Midnight caught Alex stooping over sheets of paper and drumming a tense bolero with his pencil. This time, he was trying to squeeze out not a song but a master plan of his grand mission. The game was certainly no blitzkrieg, but working through final or even middle war stages made him sick so Alex focused on the neighboring strategic bases instead. Like just a simple date. But a proper, smooth one. Without creaky planks and thick layers of dust under their feet, without an ominous shabby ceiling above, without all that cheap cinematography they could not actually handle.

A ruthless schemer and a lamblike dreamer came together within a single person to compose a worthy cupid arsenal. Places, gazes, intonations, compliments, puns… No matter how Alex tossed and disposed the details, he could not find a perfect arrangement. Overdosing on lovey-dovey scenarios went on till morning, and only then it occurred to Alex that his seeming diligence had only been the weakness of rolling those episodes starring Theo in his mind again and again. Exasperated, Alex swept the papers away from the desk and continued the screening in his sleep where he was as though guiltless of replaying them endlessly.

A few days of quietude inbreathed the lumbering warrior with bitter decisiveness, even though his weapons were still in chaos. Alex was certain in one thing – his, so to speak, secret agent persona and the real him had to keep a maximum possible distance. Preferably, the real Alex did not have to mix up at all, and Theo did not have to know him. It was just about a good script and quality acting.

Muttering something to himself and trying to find the necessary confident intonation, Alex listened to the beeps in his phone. He wondered what Theo was doing at the moment. Just idling at home or spending time in a way interesting enough not to answer? Or was he ignoring the call because he was talking to somebody in real life? Somebody who had already found the tone and the gaze, somebody more dexterous in the matters of…

“Hi, Alex!” 

Struck by abruptness, Alex heard his voice going into a completely different key, soft and ingenuous.

“Hi, Theo… How are you? Uh… Fancy another walk?”

“Oh, are we shooting another scene for our nonexistent film?” Theo asked joyously.

“It’s unclear whether the footage will become a part of the actual film, but I hope it’s something worthy and plot-relevant,” Alex gave a facetious reply, gradually finding his wandering resoluteness once again and dragging it back by the collar.

“Well, if so, how can I miss it? I need to be there and show my best. Where’s the film set situated?”

“Actually, it’s, uh… I was thinking we’d rather just walk around and maybe have a cup of coffee,” Alex suggested.

“Great! The weather is fine today. This cheery lighting is more suitable for a romantic comedy than for an intense action film, though,” Theo noticed. 

“We’ll see where the plot goes,” Alex promised.

Enlivened by the masterful start, Alex spruced up for the fascination conquest. A pink silky shirt, immaculately white sneakers, a catchy belt buckle – Theo had never seen him so well-groomed. Overexcitement flew him to the meeting place 20 minutes early. Trying to recall the last time he had been agitated enough to arrive without delays, Alex was throwing around wired glances, his hand rushing to slick his hair back every now and then. 

Spare minutes built him a small pedestal of self-reliance. Alex was looking at the lively street as if from the top of it, almost certain that everything would play itself out properly this time, but then he caught the first glimpse of Theo in the distance… and tumbled down again. There he was, maneuvering through the crowd, beaming with an empyreal smile, dressed so simply – just black trousers and a white T-shirt – but he could as well walk the red carpet in that elementary attire and look just as appropriate and stately. He was parades and fireworks without even having to grandstand. It took Alex’s self-concept approximately three seconds to go from a dashing conqueror to an overdressed namby-pamby. His sword and shield fell on the ground, and the clatter was a glockenspiel glissando.

“Hey!” Theo said as he reached Alex, and they shook hands. This businesslike gesture was starting to get on Alex’s nerves. He allowed it as a greeting but decided that it would not pass as another goodbye.

“Hello, Theo,” Alex said and inhaled deeply, “You look really lead hero-worthy today.”

“Really? As in all beat-up? I thought those scratches on my arm weren’t too distinct,” Theo lamented, “You see, I stumbled in the kitchen yesterday, and there was a grater on the…”

“No, no, I mean… Oh yes, it shows,” Alex noticed as he finally looked away from Theo’s eyes, “Listen, it’s a bit improbable, that this story needs me as a villain when you’re literally a trouble magnet already…”

“Two hours of me running around and falling would be too boring, I guess. Because it would be more like silent comedy, but those films were really short, compared with modern standards.”

“Right, so there’s me to spice things up,” Alex declared, leaning on a lamppost for a pompous stance. The combination of the metal surface and his silky shirt turned out to be a slippery one, and Alex’s elbow slid abruptly, making him hit the pole with his head. He twitched away and gave the lamppost a reproaching glare. 

“This is really refreshing,” Theo commented, giggling at his abashment, “Because usually I’m the one to crash into something within the first minute of any meeting.”

“No, this is fucking embarrassing. I’m probably the pathetic type of villain who sinks into devilry because of humiliation.”

“And what type of hero am I?”

“The… unclassifiable yet classy one,” Alex smiled.

“Thank you, villain. I’m actually quite a merciful hero too so that’ll earn you bonus points for the final battle,” Theo promised earnestly. 

“Well, let’s go then, and I’ll keep working on my fortune of absolution,” Alex suggested slyly, and they proceeded to a sleeker chatty promenade. 

Alex found Theo very easy to talk to but somehow hard to flirt with. Maybe it was just because the talking Alex was more or less real, whereas the flirting one was a character he tried to distance from. He had never been an artful tempter who knew what to say and what to do with precisely perfect timing, and it was strange to assume that it would suddenly change, even when fortified with a plan. Besides, it was generally harder to play a careless charmer in front of a person who, in spite of Alex’s pouts and spits, was distinctly far from just a rival. Crooning compliments and liberating hands would be easier when aimed at somebody who did not matter much in a personal way, but Alex just could not keep away from that unbooked field and kept squeezing out clumsy lines that, in real life, rarely came out as sophisticated and beautiful as they did in his songs. 

“I went to such a cool exhibition of conceptual art in Tate Modern the other day,” Theo said excitedly, “Really unique and fascinating works. I love this gallery so much, I could stay there forever…”

“Well, you… should…” Alex attempted to make a vague compliment, which Theo did not distinguish and gave him a sorrowful look instead.

“Sorry, am I boring you that much already?”

Alex concluded that Theo’s tales usually caused a rather wry response and gaped indignantly. He did not even have to pretend that he was interested in listening to his stream of enthusiasm about the world, which Alex lacked so much those days.

“No, not at all! I mean… you would fit in an art gallery well.”

“Oh, I get it. Would you be one of those deranged postmodern villains who make bloodcurdling artworks out of their victims?”

“I don’t have to make anything,” Alex clarified, blushing but still trying to fix this train wreck.

“So am I already bloodcurdling?” Theo smirked, and Alex covered his face with palms.

“Fucking shit… Never mind. Just go on with the exhibition thing.”

“Okay,” Theo shrugged with a grin that caused questions whether he had been larking on purpose, “So yeah, the exhibition was a delight. I like going to them in my spare time. What about your hobbies beyond music, by the way?”

The real ones – anything real – had to stay under the lock. Just a hit of the imaginary random button would do fine. Alex maintained a pause and smiled enigmatically.

“I count purple clouds, do card tricks, collect plush flamingos and read palms.”

“Oh really?” Theo burst out laughing, “Can you read mine?”

“Easy as pie,” Alex declared, rising his chin proudly. 

They stopped near a flowery café window that immediately caught their silhouettes and joined them as Alex took Theo’s right hand. He squinted at the lines intently. Certainly, the only thing he could tell was that Theo’s hand was bigger than his own, but more fragile, not tempered by years of tormenting the six strings. Chiromancy was completely out of Alex’s concern. He was just posing and trying to pull off something weird enough to clutch Theo’s attention. Judging by Theo’s patient giggles, he had not believed Alex for a second but was still excited to hear his supposed destiny.

“So? Anything interesting?”

“First of all, I’ve got to ask: how many times did you stumble in the kitchen and how many sharp objects were involved?”

“Nah, this one’s from another accident, actually. I’ve been skateboarding.”

“I should’ve figured there were plenty to choose from. Well, you’ve got long and steady lines of creativity and success…” Alex invented an interpretation as he went, “You’re brave, lively, and lighthearted. Your biggest weapon is your unyielding spirit and energy, both in achieving goals and winning over people… There’re also numerous talents, a striking sense of humor, a longing for knowledge and inherent wisdom…”

“Wow. I think my palm might blush by now.”

“It’s just the lines,” Alex shrugged, looking up innocently.

“Sure. Well, what else can you tell me? Maybe there’s something about my future? Or some important advice I should follow?” Theo wondered with an amused squint.

“Right… Oh, here’s the love line. Let’s see…”

“Alex… If my love line is a scratch from skateboarding, I’m probably fucked.”

“Eh… No, I meant this one! And it shows an important meeting in the recent past weeks… somebody you share common interests with… you’re going to have some fucking good times together… and then comes the fate line. I think it means that it might be your destiny, Theo!” Alex said authoritatively, “Don’t you miss it!”

Theo’s mouth turned into a thin line, the last frontier before hysterical laughter.

“Oh, this is interesting. Thank you for the information. I think I’m getting the hang of it. Can I try to read yours?”

They switched the position of hands, and the novice instantly grew serious and collected. Putting on a show, Theo squinted at the lines and traced them with his fingers, performed some magical gestures, as if chasing away the invisible fog, and let out indistinct sounds of agreement, puzzlement or astonishment, marking the stages of his exploration. Suddenly a smile illuminated his professorial face, and he looked at Alex as if he had just found out the answers to all the biggest mysteries on Earth in between the lines on Alex’s palm. 

“What does it say?” Alex asked, hooked almost to the point of believing his own joke.

“It says… It says you’re a huge dork,” Theo avowed and started laughing sonorously. Alex pushed his chortling face away. A few people in the café were glancing at them all the time and smiling.

“You know what? I think I’ve just seen most of your life line disappear mysteriously. I wonder why…”

“Shit, I forgot I’m playing with fire. Please have mercy, Mr. Villain! Don’t kill me right now! At least because there’re still 90 minutes of the film left!”

“…and you’ve mixed up the lines. It’s not me who’s a huge dork, but my destined partner most definitely is.”

“Okay, good luck on finding someone who outmatches you on that,” Theo patted Alex on the shoulder with a grin, and they went further down the street.

“Doesn’t the hero always win in the end, though?” Alex clarified.

Theo fell into deep thought and started calculating the plot so diligently that he almost walked into a phone booth.

“This is getting so multilayered,” he admitted, apparently after failing to find a trope that would match all the singularities of their story, even though he was actually aware only of the smaller part. 

“You tell me,” Alex sighed wholeheartedly.

“Therefore, the victory is incalculable.”

“Ha-ha, only for you ‘cause you’re a good and righteous hero. I, as a diabolical creature of the night, have my secret ways,” Alex announced with pathos, and a demonstrative ardent speech whirled him in, “My malice has no margins. The things I do just for fun would leave you paralyzed with horror. The most heart wrenching sights wouldn’t stop me on my way to triumph. You could run and think fast as lightning, but I’d always be five steps ahead, and…

“Alex, I’m sorry to interrupt your highly entertaining monologue, but as for now, you’re just five steps into a flowerbed,” Theo reported with a chuckle.

Alex looked down: indeed, he got so engrossed that he walked into a flowerbed, and his white sneakers were covered in soil and unfortunate petals.

“Oh fuck,” he grumbled, looking around nervously and shaking his feet in the air to get rid of the dirt. Theo watched and laughed.

“That’s your most wicked crime for the day, isn’t it? I’m completely horror-stricken! What an audacious and inhumane deed! Not to mention how terribly unaffected and content you look just after doing it,” Theo added, whereas Alex, in fact, reminded a frenzied spinning top, “I think that policeman is staring at us suspiciously… oh no, he’s walking closer to fine us or something. Run, boy, run!”

Not even sparing time to look or think, Alex broke into a run after Theo. The damn guy sprinted like an athlete, and it was hard to keep up with him. Not really expectable, wasn’t it? Wait, were there even fines for ruining flowerbeds?.. 

A narrow alleyway on the left swallowed the running hero. Alex rushed there as well to see Theo sitting on a low porch of a closed shop, a naughty strand hanging over his forehead, and panting. An indelible, lasting smile on his face as he stared up at Alex took all the remaining air away. Suspicious that something had gone wrong again, Alex exhaled huffily.

“What… the… fuck…” 

“There was no policeman, silly,” Theo laughed, back in perfect shape surprisingly quickly, “And what would he have done to us, anyway? It’s just that you were so funny, with all those odes to evilness and immorality, and then freaking out because you tromped a few flowers by accident…”

Alex let out a prolonged vexed sigh and sat beside him. The last two purple petals were somehow still resting on his sneakers. Alex shook them off and looked at Theo expressively, praying for him to get the hint this time.

“In my defense, those flowers were truly too beautiful to destroy. And I’m sharp-set for natural charm. Even my villainous soul melts right away. So I’d say… things of infinite fascination have a chance against me.” 

“I’ll beat you with a bouquet then,” Theo parried resiliently.

By the following ringing chuckles, it was hard to say whether Theo had, in fact, grasped what Alex was trying to say. In any case, the unfortunate flirter gave a despairing tremble and ironed the imaginary white flag. 

Later that day, they decided to have a snack. Theo recalled he had seen a few food trucks in the park they were passing by, so they walked through the gates and went to search for them. Fresh air, the soothing serenity of nature and Theo’s buoyant demeanor took Alex high enough to forget the usual outcome of his advances. Everything seemed alluringly possible again. While Theo was talking about vintage horrors excitedly, Alex was staring at his waist as if a casual hug required an intricate calculation with lengthy formulas. He listened and stared, stared and listened, mustering up courage, and when he finally raised his hand for a light hug on the go, he had no idea where he was going. A tiny lump on the road tripped him up when Alex’s hand was already almost touching Theo’s back and hence delivered him an abrupt push forward. Caught off guard, both had no better ideas than to cling to each other like fighting kittens and therefore make the fall even more ridiculous. 

The world trembled with a thud, and seconds later, they were lying on the grass and laughing into the blue sky.

“What the fuck, Alex? Can you at least warn before we play combat?”

“It wasn’t combat… I was just trying to… Oh fuck, let’s just forget about it…”

“Why? This is too funny to forget. You’re the worst villain in the universe.”

“Just because they usually try to pick an equal match for the protagonist.”

Theo pushed Alex in the upper arm and stood up, still laughing. Alex followed, slicking the mess of his hair back. They exchanged embarrassed but favorable glances.

“I think you need some assistance,” Theo said as his hand lay around Alex’s waist just in that gentle manner Alex that had been trying to reach so haplessly, “In case you try to turn the planet upside down again,” he added, giving Alex a benevolent look.

“Do you want to help me do it or prevent me from doing so?” Alex smiled with relief.

“You decide,” Theo said, and all the way through the park, his regardful hug kept Alex away from further courting failures. 

The rest of the promenade was light and pleasant. It smoothed out the second Alex brushed away his wobbly tricks and just let things run themselves. High tolerance for his lubberly flirtations and readiness to play along in the same goofy spirit were, in a way, touching. Grateful and unshackled, Alex gave Theo stealthy fond glances, and the eye-burning veil of archness and deception dissolved into the air. He felt at peace once again. The whole conquest of the day worked the other way round: he wanted to fascinate, but in the end, he was the one who got more and more fascinated.

The atmosphere Theo radiated was a healing environment. All those jokes and his gamesome approach to the big problem – it was inspiring, if not salvatory. Of course, Alex also had Miles, whose attitude was just as buoyant, and he had always been a reference point. But in this case, it did not work that well. Alex knew that for Miles, it was just a middle-sized deal; he would probably be more pumped about writing a soundtrack for a wrestling show. But when Alex looked at Theo, he saw a kindred geek, just as enlightened and stirred as he was and thus far more convincing and heartening. And it was certainly slightly weird, considering how Theo was at the same time a key part of the problem.

Nonetheless, the growing interest broke the link between those notions in Alex’s mind for a while. The next time they arranged a meeting, Alex knew it was not because he was following a villainous schedule of “wriggling into favor”. He just actually wanted to see Theo and spend time with him, no obscure purposes involved. The following couple of weeks, they accomplished a great deal of fun, from lying around at a lake with a portable turntable and listening to Leonard Cohen to spending half a day in a vintage bookshop and reading each other poems in ridiculous voices and accents. What they did not get to yet was acknowledging that the pinching spark between them that had set off on the roof and scorched in the semi-darkness of the abandoned club grew into staunch and unremitting waves of cozy warmth. Judging by Theo’s multiplying ambiguous lines and excuse-masked touches, they were getting there, though.

Miles was not aware of their frequent meetings. First of all, because he apparently did not want to be, and secondly, because Alex knew that what he was doing was not even skewing from the plan but simply blowing it up and building a different structure with its bricks. Alex was not particularly fond of the necessity to keep silent. When he came home after another rendezvous, thousands of words were storming in his mind, but he could not let them out. In the meantime, Theo seemed to be experiencing an opposite situation. Once or twice, he got a call from Adam when he was with Alex. Discomfort soured his face, and he cautiously avoided mentioning his current company during the call, although it seemed relevant to the conversation. Perplexed and slightly hurt, Alex decided to let it pass by.

All in all, with the primary plan seemingly left behind, life was just like a good times montage. Carefree scenes flashed in the kaleidoscope of the growing attraction. But however hard Alex tried to disassociate from the recent past, the concepts were already tied together, and the knots showed at the least suitable moments.

“Here’s your cherry cone,” Theo said, handing Alex an ice cream and licking his own mint one, as they moved away from a walk-up window, “You know, in film posters, antagonists usually pose with weapons and stuff, but you should keep this pinkish ice cream. It suits you best.”

“Groundbreaking. I’m sort of… a villain disguised as Lolita.”

“Yeah, bows and frill would look great on you.”

“By the way, you’ve got an ice cream stain on your cheek, and it looks great on you as well, but I figured you might not think so,” Alex noticed, and Theo brushed the back of his hand against his cheek swiftly, “Nope, still there. And… missed it again. Okay, let me…” Alex said, a playful mood suddenly dousing him, and tiptoed to give Theo a prompt kiss on the little sweet stain. 

The smile on Theo’s face was an explosion of light, even though no words left his widely grinning mouth.

“Now, that’s better,” Alex nodded and went along, “Speaking of my character’s looks… I think it might be a bit hyperbolized, but it’s actually a nice idea, giving him this uncommon guileless outer layer, which could as well be the inner… Theo?” Alex asked when he noticed Theo was not by his side. 

He turned back to find Theo a step behind, his whole mouth and even lower half of his face covered in ice cream. Alex bent of laughter so hard that he almost crashed his face into his cone as well. 

“Oh my god… Theo, this is not how you… eat an ice cream… Oh fuck…”

Ice cream smeared lips made a sad pout. Theo had clearly been waiting for another reaction, which Alex, redder than his cherry cone and roaring of laughter, probably was not going to give him.

“Not fond of mint? Alright, sorry, I’m an idiot,” Theo sighed, licking his lips like a cat who had just shoved its face into a jug of milk.

“No, I mean… Sorry, I just… This is kind of…” Alex mumbled, blushing even harder. He was not even trying to explain why he could not just give the very obviously desired kiss. He could nowise let out the reason. It was just instinctive babble in attempts to soften the awkwardness.

“Don’t worry, everything’s fine. That sticky mess hardly looked somewhat appealing,” Theo reassured, his face dejected but understanding, and went on, changing the topic hurriedly. 

They brought up neither the accident nor its subtext anymore that day, but Alex thought about them all the time, his conscience aching. The ‘sticky mess’ between them was actually the accursed rivalry and the vicious plan to win it by deceit. This is what kept him off the overdue kiss. Alex tried to remind himself that it was no intrigue anymore. That the importance of victory shrank more and more every time Theo called his name, always without the necessity to draw Alex’s attention but just as if to shut off the rest of the universe and cozy up their own secluded world. That, substantially, Alex had never even planned to fool Theo for real – it was just a game, quite a dumb one, in fact, but leastwise still a game. Or had he? And was not the vague intention alone enough to feel bad, along with the foul motive that had initially pulled them together? Was it fair to keep on without Theo knowing the whole picture?

Even imagining pressing a person’s weak spots is insufferable when the person is your weak spot themselves. It would only be a jet boomerang of pain. In spite of Theo slowing down considerably and giving Alex less reasons to suffer the contrasts, Alex just could not get those thoughts out of his head, and they blemished every word and look. He could neither rush forward nor keep a distance, neither recount the whole tale nor consign it to oblivion, and darkness reinstated in his face. 

“Al, are you alright? You look gloomy,” Theo noticed worriedly a few days after the accident when they were sitting at a café terrace. The place was virtually empty – maybe because the scene was taking place on a Monday morning, maybe because chilly winds were scurrying across the streets now and then – and its desolateness distracted Alex negatively. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just… those untimely grimy thoughts… you know…” Alex mumbled and shut himself up with a piece of cold pizza. Glaciated by disturbing reflection, he had forgotten about his meal whatsoever.

“I can imagine. It’s okay, you can tell me,” Theo said, finishing his third tiny cup of tea. 

“Eh… This is a land hard to map,” Alex objected.

“Well, there’s no rush, is there? I’m, like, seven cups away from a proper amount of tea, and I’m not leaving until then.”

“If so… uh… okay. Do you think forgotten intentions count as something to judge a person by? Because, like, as far as I can remember, according to existentialism, without action, all hopes, expectations, plans and whatever are nothing, but…”

“I might need something else in my cup for this conversation.”

“But I think all of them are quite telling, anyway… I mean, some momentary thoughts are surely out of our control, but if you let the idea dwell in your mind, it means something, right? And even if you eventually let it go, it might have left its stain on your character and mindset because there’s, like, a chemical reaction, and there would have been none if the substances hadn’t matched right…”

Catching a change in Theo’s face, Alex stuttered. But Theo just put the cup away and squinted at him, as if it would help unriddle his speech. Alex lost the thread under his intense stare.

“Uh… Where was I? Anyway… Imagine two towns, not too far away from each other, one dark, foggy and… just a fucking godforsaken place… and another one… so full of light and warmth that of all places on Earth, it’s like the only earthly brother of paradise… And once a heavy cloud from the first town creeps to the second one to rain all over it… just drench it lifeless… but it’s so nice and welcoming there that the cloud just turns into harmless vapor and keeps floating happily across the streets. Does it deserve the right, though? Wouldn’t it be fair just to…” Alex started another question but fell silent midway. He had no idea what would be fair.

Theo needed a few seconds to process this knotty puzzle. His cautious silence and unsmiling gaze gave the impression of understanding that some gentle matter had been presented to him behind the mask of this parable. As if afraid both to ask more and to tear what he had, Theo lingered with the answer. 

“I don’t even know what to say,” he admitted at last, “First and foremost, I think I’ve got to inform you that it’s just what clouds do so can we really blame them?”

Relieved but also discouraged that the clue had flown by, Alex sighed and looked down at his lamentable pizza.

“But there’s also this thing,” Theo added, having contemplated for a while, “When it’s so bright and hot all the time, don’t you think the sun gets incredibly lonely up there, in the clear blue sky? So, I guess, it might even be grateful to the said cloud for showing up.”

Could it be that he caught the link and picked up from there? But how much did he manage to squeeze out from a single analogy? And, most importantly, how did he take it? 

“I’ll go ask for a beer glass of tea,” Theo suddenly reported with vexation, “These doll cups are a pure disaster!”

As Theo disappeared inside the café, Alex still stared at the door, his plate completely forgotten again. Fucking hell, of course, he missed the innuendo – and thank god he did. Theo was probably just trying to cheer him up by finding a fortunate loophole in the story and clinging to it, whatever it would mean when translated back to real life language, because he was scared that asking unnecessary questions and digging up disheartening details would only make it worse. Such a considerate and caring human being… 

Shame pinched and affection melted. Alex hid his face in his palms and let out a frustrated hum while no one could hear. Theo deserved endlessly more than vague weather parallels, disconcerting dodges and forcedly scanty signs of regard and fondness.


	4. Identity

Juggling with burning props, listening to a stuttering vinyl record, roller-skating on an iceberg… Alex flicked through possible analogies for this complicated disaster of a relationship on his way home. The last frames of another meeting were still burning his eyes: Theo leaving him a wistful goodbye smile and walking away at a laggard pace, as if asking to be held back. But Alex absented himself too, benumbing the lack of a romance smack on his lips with a bitter cigarette.

Their advances were sound waves completely out of phase. Either one crumpled all the uncouth compliments and preferred diving into dust backwards to allowing a little kiss, or another blushed, stumbled, shied away, changed the topic and did virtually everything to leave everything in its place whenever something of a step was about to happen. Torn apart by shame and affection, Alex stalled off the ethical dilemma with might and main. His very moderate and cautious treatment, even sweetened with apologetic loving trifles, was barely bringing any improvements. If anything, restraint was only enough to keep the boat afloat, but Alex could see how it was also loading it for an imminent sinking.

Fortunately, Theo was taking his endless turnabouts with a considerate smile and was not being pushy. In fact, it was depressing Alex even more. He knew that he was not worthy of that tender patience, of any kind attitude at all, after fiddling with such a slimy plot and giving Theo acupuncture with poisoned needles and cupid arrows in turns. But what could he do? Those lines of disastrous truth, however carefully devised, would be a horrible start for a relationship. Most probably, they would just blow everything up, and what Alex wanted to have the most by then was not the song but Theo by his side, happy, serene and knowing all his secrets.

One warm evening, they were sitting on a bench, talking about music and watching the city fade to peaceful twilight. Lampposts, windows and shop signs around were lighting up one by one and establishing that kind of nightly urban coziness when surroundings seem a bit surreal and calm fills every cell of your body. 

“Let’s go to a concert one of these days, maybe?” Theo suggested and looked at Alex. Caught amidst a moony gaze, Alex smiled.

“We’ll go wherever you say. But… you wouldn’t want to see that, to be honest. I behave a bit stupidly at concerts that aren’t mine…”

“Oh, come on, I’m sure it’s actually…”

“…while at my own ones, it’s not a bit but just plainly stupid sometimes,” Alex finished with a giggle.

“I can relate,” Theo smirked, “But I think it’s good, kind of zoning out when you’re on stage, putting all the restraining reason away and just doing whatever you feel like. This is about sincerity, in a way, which is really important, particularly at concerts. And if some asshole thinks it’s stupid, they can just go fuck themselves. People who matter will consider your antics lovely anyway.”

“Say, if I climb that tree right now, hang on it upside down and start singing really obscene songs aloud… would you consider it lovely?” Alex asked slyly, somewhat liberated by the intangibility of descending nighttime. In his turn, Theo let out a concordant grin. 

“First of all, by the time you manage to climb that tree, I’ll probably release an album and go on tour so I won’t see the rest of the scene. But even then, I’ll be certain it’s a captivating one,” Theo said, “Is it what you sincerely feel like doing, though?”

“Not really,” Alex shook his head and stared into Theo’s eyes, relishing the light behind them that had become both his rescue and collapse, “In fact, I feel like…” – and with these words, he leaned forward for a shy kiss. Only for a moment of nocturnal oblivion, it seemed so right and possible. In the tender darkness, Alex felt a soft delaying touch on his cheekbone and stayed in the kiss a bit longer, even though stings of shame were already preventing him from focusing on the caress. Instead of thinking how good it was, Alex was mostly pondering his own wrongness. 

When they parted, Alex looked at Theo gingerly. 

“Just as stupid, isn’t it?”

With a smile of diamond purity, Theo corrected him:

“This is the wisest thing you’ve done today.”

But for Alex, it was not wise at all. He would prefer to kiss Theo with a light and stainless heart and to throw off the layer of acerbic guilt that was poisoning the gentle moment.

At times, Alex felt like he did not deserve Theo at all. Theo had always been kind and mindful to him, except for a few sarcastic comments, but they were merely justified jokes and did not hurt. As for Alex… even listing in his mind, what he could have done, felt grisly. He was not really an immoral type; until then, he had only thought of what the plan would require in terms of literary and cinematic concepts, not as completely real evils that he would have to carry out. Ugly deceit and blackmail, faking the warmest feelings, meanly making use of other person's secrets and weaknesses… and all because of a single old ambition, which did not even directly depend on Theo to aim a gun at him so mindlessly.

That ambition was not exactly crossed out; Alex still wanted to get the theme song – but not at such a painful price. Moreover, he felt the eagerness subside a bit. It did not burn him inside with anger and zeal anymore. Not so long ago, this opportunity was the center of his life, the only thing he yearned for and the only seeming cure for the raging inner void. As it turned out, the real healing lay just a step aside. Not on the silver screen but in the rapturous dark eyes, sounding not like a luxurious orchestra but simply like a whispered kind word or even just a joke about the battle that seemed to be unapproachable with humor. 

Still unaware of the crucial twist in the plot, Miles noticed the changes in Alex’s perspective as well. They did not speak about the whole case much anymore, and reticence was exactly the reason for Miles to remark once:

“I see you’re pretty chill about the Bond thing now, huh? Good for you, Al. At one point, I was worried you’d go berserk, and then there would be no songs at all, apart from calming lullabies I’d sing to you in an asylum.”

“Um… Yeah, I guess,” Alex just said with a puzzled frown. He was decidedly concealing the context, which ‘the Bond thing’ suddenly grew around itself. Miles’ demeanor suggested he had most probably cast the plan aside just as easily as he had invented that offensive absurd. And even if the plan was still operating, Alex was not sure how Miles would take him – what was the word? Overdoing it? Or plainly turning it upside down so that instead of assistance, it became another obstacle? 

Whatever the name, the situation was clearly taking a rough path, with many more bumps and pits than it could have had in the beginning. Alex was uncertain whether walking it without any disasters was possible at all. He should have, as he thought, taken the plan as a joke and declined it resolutely, or at least sent Theo to seven hells with his rooftop sittings and urban explorations. When the decision would strike, Alex would just either forget Theo for good or bluntly hate him. How convenient it would be, if Theo just let Alex hate him… But the relief of hate was lost. Perhaps apart from self-hatred, which was definitely no solace.

The following week contained just two – well, now the word seemed more applicable – dates, both fleeting and slippery. Kisses were surely a good way to mute the shrieking conscience for a while, but Alex ran away with different excuses before they grew too passionate. Delicately masked before, Theo’s confusion was starting to show – luckily, as for then, just in perplexed glances and uncharacteristic rounds of silence. Alex could only hope that the sticking thorns would smooth away with time, and he would forget what was making him tarry for so long.

The next attempt to build romance upon the ruins of war took place on a clear and sunny day, seemingly perfect for new beginnings. Initially, the hero and the villain planned to walk through a park and end up in a record shop, but the air was so tender and grass so green that the couple got stuck in the park for a few hours, happy with the program nonetheless.

“What a spot!” Theo exclaimed, opening his arms at a shady tree near a pond. He flopped down and patted the coarse bark. “A beautiful view and an organic backrest.”

“Yeah, it’s a nice little pond,” Alex agreed as he stared at its turbid surface.

“I mean you’re the beautiful view,” Theo laughed fondly, “A nice little… ponderer.”

“So the difference is just a double ‘er’.”

“Won’t you gently flow down upon me, please?”

“Er… er…” Alex hummed with a teasing smirk.

“Right, very much like your usual speaking style,” Theo noticed, reaching for him lazily, like a sleepy puppy tries to catch a bait. Alex danced away in a cheeky manner.

“My speaking style is but a hasteless tambourine rhythmic pattern for your grand orchestral movements. And the fusion still sounds magnificent, doesn't it?”

“It's true. But as for now, silenzio,” Theo smiled and beckoned him with a light gesture.

Alex trod towards him slowly, the corners of his mouth juggling with a grin. He descended onto Theo’s lap, his knees on the ground, and put his hands on Theo’s shoulders. Theo wrapped his arms around Alex’s waist and stared at him longingly. A gentle breeze tingled their lips and instigated a kiss but Alex lingered, as the same accursed trial over himself was seething on in his mind again. Apparently, Theo saw a projection of it in Alex’s eyes because he asked with a concerned look:

“Is anything wrong?” 

“Uh… no… no, why?” Alex shuddered, leaving the imaginary defendant’s seat and coming back to Theo’s lap.

“You look kind of uncomfortable. I just figured the place is desolate enough, but if you feel uneasy, let’s just…”

“No, it’s fine,” Alex reassured and tried to compensate his hesitation with a tender caress on Theo’s cheek.

“Then what’s wrong?” Theo repeated persistently. Repeated for the second time aloud and probably for the hundredth time in his mind. 

“I’m just… not used to kissing you yet,” Alex acknowledged softly, trying to be at least remotely honest and rounding the fact that Theo’s agile jump from an enemy to a lover was indeed somewhat hard to accept. 

“I really don’t know what to say. Shall we practice then or is it better to leave the course theoretical for now?”

“Theo-reticle,” Alex giggled.

“Is it one of your villainous inventions?” Theo chuckled, “A thing for aiming at me 24/7?”

“Actually, it’s just me. Aiming at you 24/7.”

Both laughed, and Alex laid a kiss on Theo’s lips, the close embrace temporarily dissolving the resin bonds of shame and self-reproof. 

Yellowish leaves murmured over their heads for the next few hours. No record shop could beat the charm of that early autumn day, and they silently postponed the original idea. The surroundings were appealing indeed – the neat beauty of British parks, colored with a warm seasonal tint. They spent the rest of the dayunder that tree, just talking, joking and kissing, but staying on the same place in the arms of a loved one is a journey too, and long hours of enamored chatter run like a wind.

Twilight rolled up unexpectedly – they were sure that just a few blissful minutes had flown by. Alex was lying on the grass, his eyes closed and head propped against Theo’s hip, and Theo was combing his hair with his fingers playfully. Indistinct gurgle from the water and the rustle from the leaves were lulling melodies. 

“Hey, are you asleep?” Theo wondered.

“Almost,” Alex mumbled and yawned, “Comfy as a cradle.”

A gentle touch sliding through Alex’s short curls. A stealthy sigh. Restive silence.

“I’ve missed the moment you dropped off but I’ve just got to warn you it’s getting dark.”

“It’s alright, my mom lets me.”

Uneven giggles.

“Good. No need for a blessing to ask you out then?”

“You wish. I’m working on an official form and I'm the stringent many-faced committee,” Alex said lazily, keeping his eyes closed and reveling in the relaxed darkness, “56 pages of highly entertaining read, some extra application materials required. Like, leave a kiss for our consideration, we’ll call you back.”

Alex felt a smiling, even tickling kiss.

“Well, here you go. Looking forward to hearing from committee. Al, I’d gladly have a full interview right now but I’m afraid they’ll close the park soon.”

“Oh shit.”

“We, uh… Maybe we’ll just take it to my place?”

A blinding flash of intransigent reality hit Alex's instantly wide-open eyes, as if sarcastically welcoming him back from the cozy drowse. An internal battle became a world war, and Alex froze with his mouth agape, all the knots of this story squeezing his heart tightly and leaving him speechless. 

“Al? Okay, sorry, wrong moment,” Theo said when the pause grew obviously too tense. Regret and hurt showed through the single compressed word that this hurried apology came out as. Alex sat up in a trice, gesturing and stammering. 

“No, it’s not like… You didn’t… Listen, I just… It’s a bit complicated…”

Theo waited for something more coherent calmly, but Alex failed to reward his patience. He could neither tell everything like it was nor embellish that disgrace in a believable manner.

“Just saying that you don’t want to would be enough,” Theo sighed, “You don’t have to provide an intricate explanation. But the fact that you’re trying to and apparently feel like it’s necessary sort of… disturbs me, along with other things.”

“W… what things?” Alex squeezed out, perfectly aware of the answer. Evidently just as reluctant to dig into this, Theo lingered with his line too.

“It’s like… you’re keeping something back. Because you go all panic-stricken every time I… let's say, make a move. And I’m absolutely dumbstruck every time. Listen, if you want to stay friends… or something… can we just settle that and stop messing around with each other’s minds?”

“It’s… uh… not like that. There’s just a bigger picture to it, and that picture’s more like an entangled web with a huge bloodthirsty spider watching from the corner,” Alex said and looked away, “You wouldn’t want to know.”

“I think I have a right, though,” Theo said unsurely, “If I’m a part of it.” 

Theo was painfully right – he deserved to know. Cornered, Alex looked around helplessly, as if some branch or cloud would suggest him a clement way to tell it. Viscid seconds stretched on endlessly, but nothing came out. Theo put his cold and nervous hand on Alex’s cheek and tried to catch his look.

“Alex, you’re scaring me. Am I doing something wrong?”

“No… But I am. You see… I’m very wrong,” Alex exhaled.

“What do you mean?” Theo asked with growing confusion.

“The way we met was really… inopportune,” Alex acknowledged cautiously, avoiding Theo’s eyes.

Left to guess again, Theo shook his head slowly.

“It wasn’t. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Is the Bond song thing what’s puzzling you? I thought we agreed it wasn’t a conflict point. Of course, we joke about it all the time but… Do you really still consider us enemies to some extent?”

“Now I don’t. But there was a moment, and ‘enemies’ would have even been an understatement.”

“Okay, I can understand,” Theo said after a brief painful pause, “Even though I didn’t think of us as rivals for a single second.”

“Oh, if only it had been just those isolated motionless thoughts, from my side…” Alex regretted and stooped so low he almost looked like a sad curling child.

“Just… What? Did you do something bad concerning me?”

“Thank god, I didn’t… But I was going to, although it was a really short period. And yet, that vile ghost floats in front of my eyes every time we meet, poisons all the touches with cold and shrieks dreadfully whenever we’re getting closer. I just… can’t get away from it.”

Theo’s frown was so exasperated that it made his amiable face unfamiliar. 

“How many questions does this weird quiz have until I get to the result?”

“Okay, let me just spill the whole barrel of slime at once,” Alex decided heavily, crawling away a few inches as if setting up defense, “Have you ever thought of why we came together exactly at this complicated time when there had been so many more… casual chances in the past? Why now, when we’re put in such adverse circumstances? That first meeting in the bar, it wasn’t some token act of friendliness. Just the opposite. Miles came up with this stupid plan… to get to know you and Adam behind a friendly… or even amatory mask and dig up your weak spots so that we could put some pressure on them and make you give up the song. This is what it was about, in the beginning.”

The dusk that hit Theo’s face was darker and scarier than the one taking over the sky. Alex shuddered and forced himself to go on.

“All the first good words I said to you, they were driven by ignobility and deception. And even though it didn’t take them long to start flowing from the heart, I still feel like a fraud all the time. Theo, I’m so sorry I started it like that. But you’ve got to understand it’s far behind. From the moment I knew you as a person, I couldn’t think of you as of some musical enemy. I wasn’t trying to get closer to the song; I was just trying to get closer to you. It’s alright if I lose this damn opportunity. But I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

The burden did not fall down from him. It just became an unmanageable ruthless boulder. Theo was looking at the ground mournfully as if it was a grave. He plucked grass absently, his fingers pale and shaky. 

“Theo… please, say something…” Alex pleaded, “I really don’t want to ruin everything, I’m just trying to be honest…”

“Oh, so you think saying straightforwardly you were going to use me makes up for it somehow? How fucking nice of you, to inform me at last!” Theo flamed up, “Do I dance of joy now?”

“I’m not, like… trying to excuse myself… but…”

“How could you take part in something so nauseous? So all those jokes were the most outspoken lines between us, weren’t they? I know I’m not really a hero but look at you – you are a villain indeed, and I didn’t take it seriously this whole time. Fuck, you even hinted at it constantly,” Theo suddenly realized and laughed at the sky in aching disbelief, “This whole ‘wriggle into favor and then strike’ shit…”

“It wasn’t about hinting,” Alex let out a feeble protest, “Besides, you were the one to start all these jokes, I was just playing along… and definitely not because I found the irony pleasing…”

“…and I basically had an idea about this fuckery from the start but I was dumb enough to believe you…” Theo lamented, not listening to him. Petrified, Alex mumbled:

“You had an idea? What kind of… idea?”

“Well, I didn’t exactly know what kind of bullshit you were going to pull off. But Adam is wiser than me, and he seized your sly plan at once and told me those friendly endeavors were suspicious. After that bar, Adam wasn’t going to see Miles again anytime soon and I don't think they've ever spoken since then. But the moment Adam knew I was interested in you, he recommended me not to let you too close just in case and take my time.”

“Oh…” Alex just squeezed out, recalling the sudden frosts in Theo’s behavior and how he always omitted Alex's name when talking to Adam.

“But you were so nice that I just couldn’t accept the thought that you meant harm! So I brushed it aside and opened up to you who has been playing a double game this whole time…”

“No, I definitely… I brushed it aside too, and…”

“Listen, Alex, just the fact that you carried this idea, even for a while… It tells a lot… it tells you’re actually self-absorbed, mean, and fake,” Theo punctuated through gritted teeth, “I don’t understand how you can destroy a person for the sake of a fucking song. How am I supposed to trust you after this? Like, okay, let’s forget the whole Bond situation for a second. But what if tomorrow we’re contending for a headlining slot at Glastonbury? Shall I wake up with a knife at my throat the day after tomorrow? And if there’s a chance of a guest appearance in fucking Game of Thrones and somehow we're competing again? I don’t think I’ll be alive seconds after the announcement at all!”

“Theo, you’re exaggerating,” Alex objected, trying to touch Theo’s hand with his benumbed fingers, but Theo twitched it away, “I’m not a fucking murderer, and I wasn’t even actually going to fool you or something… I was so feverish and harebrained about this fucking goal, that’s what made me plunge into this dirt, whereas Miles probably just threw the idea on the table in warm blood and forgot it the next day. I’ve never seriously considered deceiving and hurting you…”

Theo stood up, his legs weak and disobedient after the striking confession and a long day under a tree. Alex jumped after him and added hastily:

“When we got to know each other, I fell for you right away, and it wasn’t because of some damn plan. Moreover, it was really athwart it.”

“Lucky me,” Theo laughed sarcastically, “Otherwise nothing would have come in the way of your cruel intentions, right? Like, maybe some morals? A timid beam of conscience?”

“You have no idea what acute qualms of conscience I had!”

“So you’re sufferer here, right? Can you imagine how it hurts when you fall in love with somebody, for the first time in such a long time you don’t feel like a doomed loner, and it turns out that all the charming words and actions are no more than a guileful strategy, and he’s just a stinking fraud?” Theo yelled, making Alex quiver of shock.

“You… fell in love with me?” Alex murmured.

“Did you even hear the context of that at all?” Theo said angrily, “After this, there can’t be anything between us. And you know what? A part of me hopes they’ll choose your song. Because then it will haunt you for ages. And you won’t be able to forget the foul play you led to win and what it cost you. Goodbye, Mr. Villain.”

Theo walked away, leaving Alex alone under the tree in the darkening park. The remaining pieces of color and light vanished one by one with his steps. Alex watched Theo's figure merge with the evening mist and could make himself neither run after him nor shout his name in despair. What was the point, when Alex had nothing to refute his own guilt? 

Instead, he headed right to Miles’ flat to enlighten his friend on the real state of things at last. Luckily, Miles was home to listen and console. Well, not so much about the second part. Confusion and disappointment were filling his face as Alex was going through the story, and it was not just because Alex had been concealing it from his best friend for such a long time.

“And you know, after this, I don’t want our song to win that much,” Alex concluded gloomily, “The whole dish is spoiled now, anyway.”

“This is nonsense,” Miles frowned, “You don’t take a song about an ex with whom it didn’t end quite well away from the setlist, do you? And you didn’t even date him!”

“Well, we… What we had meant no less to me.”

“Al, get it out of your head. Some random crush doesn’t equilibrate a lifelong ambition.”

“I don’t want that shit now,” Alex nagged, “Not with… that connection.”

Unlike the day the game had set out, Alex was lying on the couch motionless and dismal. It was a different kind of distress. Miles was sitting on a chair and trying to shake him up, both physically and mentally.

“Do you want to cross out a dream because of a fleeting sympathy?”

“Just like you said, there’ll be other Bonds, other dreams… And even the song itself, this story overshadowed it for me,” Alex said apathetically, “We’ll write a better one.”

Miles almost jumped on the chair of surprise, and it creaked sharply.

“Are you really going to give it up? Al, fucking hell, do you remember how happy we were when we finished this song? And when we found out it almost made it to a James Bond film? We fucking danced on the ceiling!”

“Mi, I… I don’t know if I want to give it up. But at this point… any outcome doesn’t delight me at all.”

“How the hell are you going to decline it? Like, sorry, a guy dumped me because of this so take his song instead, this is somehow fair?” 

“I’ll think of something. Like, ideological reasons. I’ll say I’ve suddenly realized James Bond is an asshole, and I want no business with him. Which actually makes little sense because I’m an asshole too.”

“You’re heartbroken right now, I understand,” Miles sighed and patted Alex on the shoulder, “But these things are passing, especially when the whole deal wasn’t even long enough to leave a deep scar. A fulfilled dream is permanent, though.”

“You know what else is going to be permanent? Shame and self-hatred that come engraved,” Alex grumbled, “And what if tabloids get the hold of this story one day? Oh my fucking god, what a delicious piece of trivia about the new Bond composition! It’s going to haunt me endlessly, striking in every interview and sweeping through all the magazines and Facebook posts. I can’t undo it now but I can back away, which makes me seem at least slightly nobler than I actually am. By the way, why am I tearing my hair out alone? You were the one who suggested it, in the first place. Don’t you want to repent too?”

The question seemed to confound Miles even more than the whole preceding speech. He flew up from the chair and grabbed his head.

“What should I repent for? It was a joke from the start, Alex, a fucking joke! Who knew you’d take it so seriously?” Miles bewailed, “I just wanted to stir you up, meet new people, have some fun. I assumed that even if we’d lose, losing to pals would be much less painful.”

“But I…” Alex tried to interrupt him faintly as an invisible rockfall of shame was hitting his head more and more incessantly.

“You wouldn’t have agreed if I had just put it like that. I wish you had seen yourself back then. A freaking fanatic of some kind, ready to walk on others’ heads! But I really didn’t expect you to go for it. I thought that the first meeting would sober you up. That you'd see that they're not, like, not some abstract demoniac enemies; they’re just good lads with dreams like we are, and it’s not a war. For a moment there, I thought it had worked… And then you called me like, I’m ready to strike and shit. What was I supposed to say?”

Another dispiriting belated answer. This is why Miles had been so evasive back then. Alex stared at the wall, shamefaced. He had been suspecting it for a while, but, said aloud and put like this, it was still a punch in the gut. Could that day have at least one pleasing confession, for a change?

“Alright, I’m a dickhead. You’ve just reaffirmed my right to hate myself,” Alex said in a low voice.

“It wasn’t very cool of you, yeah. But why give up the song and make it even worse?”

“Because it feels right. Like… a kind of atonement.”

“Trying to be thoughtful? You’re failing, if so. Because you seem to have forgotten the song isn’t just yours – it’s ours,” Miles reminded touchily, “Want to ask if I want to let it go because of noble reasons too?”

The vexed tone was self-explanatory, and Alex did not repeat the question. He sat up on the couch and sighed, staring at the ceiling. With the song being mostly Alex's ill-fated creation and Miles continuously showing impeccable placidity about its journey, Alex had not expected him to start balking. But he definitely did not want to disappoint Miles as well.

“I'm sorry for saying that. But Miles, let’s be honest… it wasn’t on your music to-do list from the start, was it? An interesting project and a beneficial opportunity, nothing more… From what I've heard from you, I thought your list of priorities had it at the very end, if not on the other side of the paper, scribbled with a flimsy pencil.”

“A dream doesn’t have to be super big to be considered valid,” Miles objected.

Alex grabbed his hand and looked up with the eyes of a lonely puppy.

“Mi, please… I’ve known from the start you weren’t so hooked on this like I was. We can… go for other projects we’ve always wanted to do instead… like… soundtrack a TV show? One of those wrestling things you love maybe? But this, I just can’t go for it anymore. It would be like willingly stepping into the abyss after rocks start cracking and crumbling down from beneath your feet. And I know it’s not that important to you, this is why I dared mention it in the first place. But for Theo, it is just as…”

“Go fucking write soundtracks with your precious Theo,” Miles interrupted and pulled his hand away – just the same resentful motion Alex had received an hour ago, “I was only trying to cheer you up this whole time, but in the end, somehow I’m the guilty one to be punished. That stupid secret agent sent you crazy!”

“Oh, cheer me up?” Alex flamed up, “Like throwing in this joke in the first place? Or saying how heartless it was of me to fail to distinguish it?” 

“Okay, fuckups are our forte. Want more? Fucking call them and refuse right now!”

“I’d rather go home and give my ears a rest at last,” Alex muttered, jumping up and heading to the door. It was too far from the soothing kind of talk he had been hoping to get. Essentially, it was just the truth, coming in a second bundle that day and leaving him breathless under its insufferable weight. Purely what he deserved and what he could not handle. 

“Well, then go,” Miles shrugged, looking away with a vexed turn of his head, “Give me a call when you come to senses. And don’t you dare make any other calls before then.”

Alex grumbled something brief and repellent in reply and stormed out, feeling destroyed to ruins. The damn song was cursed – it was the only explanation why it wrecked everything it got to. Quarreling with Miles over such nonsense? Complete lunacy. Brawls between them had always been rare and amicable. And Theo… maybe it had truly been something too fleeting and paltry for such keen mourning? With many more reasons to drift apart a mere week later? Could be. But it was also possible that if not for this senseless sequence of events, the geeky pair of romancers would share perfect harmony till unimaginable horizons. 

Clammy darkness was already entwining the bleak street, and it swallowed the lonely walker, who was too weak to resist and fight back. All the skeletons in the closet were out for a macabre dance, and one could not just chase the eerie crowd away. Alex wanted to apologize to the dear ones he had aggrieved, he ached to fix everything, even if it would require crushing his own dreams, his pride and ambitiousness. If there was no way to resolve everything without damage at all, he would willingly get the shot, had he only known how to shield both. 

Alex shuffled home, looking down at the pavement morosely, and the tenebrous street with rare dry leaves floating through it was a gloomily cinematic scene. But it was not a film Alex wanted to be in.


	5. What You Are In The Dark

A haemorrhage of words was soaking a jaded paper through and through. Flowing naturally for the first time in a long time, it felt both like pain and release. A guitar was Alex’s lifebuoy amidst the frenzied ocean. Clutching it desperately, he rode the gush of a stormy night like a prisoner, doomed to a crooked punishment of a hazardous yet indefinite exile.

He spent three days like this, in a solitary company of a man he hated the most. His aimless strums were a confession, pushing its way through the haunting Bond riff and gradually building up a new harmony; an uncertain answer to the duo of reproachful voices in his mind; a search for absolution. Chord by chord and word by word, a new song was born – the first one since the ill-starred trigger of the story. More and more musical ideas were circling around him like fireflies, even though the only finished form was the poetic denouement.

Rediscovering the seemingly dry stream of creation, Alex distinguished the mist that had been forcing such an impression, now lying on the ground in mere piles of ashes. The skills were still there, but none of their humble suggestions could possibly reach a pedestal so high and unscalable. But as soon as the authoritarian leader was thrown down, the mind democracy was restored. Music was warm and alive again, and new inspirations paved its way. Wry, tuberous and directionless – well, leastwise it was a road.

A bleak evening was rolling on when the doorbell interrupted the quiet flow of acoustic self-flagellation. Feeling plucked out of his already bleeding world, Alex sighed and dragged himself to the door. He opened it cautiously, as if afraid of a gang of revengeful warriors breaking in and crushing him down. Instead, he saw Miles’ big regretful eyes blinking in the gap.

“Al, sorry, I was a hysterical shithead and put everything in a fucking wrong way. I’m worried about you. Fuck, Al, you matter to me more than the whole music and film industry ever did. Mate, I…”

The door swung open and hit the wall. Alex rushed at his friend with a desperate hug.

“You were simply right. I don’t know what’s got into me.”

Miles made a careful half-step back and looked into his eyes. 

“I feel like I’m trapped and rotting under debris,” Alex exhaled, fear and anguish emphasising each word, “Hopeless and dehydrated.”

“We’ll manage, brother,” Miles promised boldly, “Whatever you pull off, I’ll always be by your side. You’re bigger and better than that.”

In a few minutes, they were sitting in the living room with cups of tea and some sweet snacks Miles had picked for Alex’s taste. Just with Miles’ presence, the room seemed brighter and cozier. He had that gift, a spiral of sparkles whirling around him all the time and flying into the hands of whoever beside needed them most. At least with Alex, it was a certified technique, and he felt less dark than he had just an hour ago, weeping out the last part of his song. 

The crumpled sheet of paper was still on the coffee table, the wicked lines of its wrinkles and words disturbing the otherwise tranquil interior. Miles raised his eyebrows curiously. 

“I’ve written something,” Alex explained, tracing his look. “At least… tried to write what I needed to write.”

A subtle understanding nod. Probably nervous about roaming into quicksand again but eager to try, Alex concluded.

“Want to have a look?” he suggested, craving approval and at least partial forgiveness. 

“Sure!” Miles beamed and grabbed the paper to read the quivering lyrics. 

Waiting for the assessment anxiously, Alex sipped his tea and stared at the window behind him, as if the text had nothing to do with him at all. He was still partly worried that he had lost it, and his first more or less well-rounded song since the one that had brewed the whole story would be no good. Its theme disquieted Alex even more. Extremely innermost matters were hidden behind insane abstractions and psychedelic analogies. A random listener or reader would barely push through the thicket of metaphors to grasp the point, but everything made a vast and detailed plot when knit into the real-life context. Miles, of course, could solve this riddle. Well, Theo probably could as well. But there was little possibility he would ever hear it – and even less that he would want to check it out at all.

Miles squinted at the final words, crossed out and rewritten simultaneously, and sighed, smoothing the paper out carefully. 

“Mind-blowing, as always, Al. Genuine and heart-wrenching. Now, that’s you, the real you. The slip that happened – or almost did – wasn’t. He might not know this because you haven’t been close for a long time, but I do.”

“Thank you, Mi,” Alex mumbled, grateful but not quite convinced, “It doesn’t really excuse me, though.”

“It’s not about looking for an excuse by now. You’d win by moving on in a better way.”

“See… this is why I wanted to give up the song,” Alex said quietly, “Wouldn’t it be just that improvement?”

“You didn’t actually do him anything wrong? You just wanted to,” Miles reminded, “And now, I guess, a sincere intention to drop the deal makes up for it completely.”

“He gave me salvation, and I paid back with sheer destruction. How fair is that, Miles? Why would a decent human being, like… even look in that direction? Those thoughts don’t equal to make a zero. Intending alone is not enough. This is starting to look like a fucking PR stunt, all fake from A to Z.”

Out of answers, Miles fell silent and made a gulp of tea. Deep contemplation was stirring in his eyes.

“Have you called him?”

“Nah, he wouldn’t want to speak to me after that. And quite rightfully so.”

“Have you called… them?”

“I… I don’t want to rob you of that opportunity because of my own shit. Maybe I’d feel better if we gave it up, but I don’t think it’s right either.”

Miles stumbled for a second and then grinned thankfully.

“Yeah, it wouldn’t be right, but not because of me. Just like you said, this whole thing doesn’t mean to me a tenth of how important it is to you. But Al, come on, it’s your dream. You’d regret it later.”

“Perhaps,” Alex agreed faintly. Was it really still his golden cup? Could the dirt ever come off its blinding surface? And would Alex even be glad to have this bulky trinket on his imaginary shelf of trophies? He felt opposed to the idea, but Miles could be right, and Alex delayed the rebellion. “So what do you think we should do?”

“Just wait,” Miles shrugged, “By the time they finally make the choice, I think we might have a different feeling about this.”

“And what… should I do?” Alex swallowed nervously. He avoided mentioning Theo’s name but knew Miles would understand anyway. And indeed, he put his cup away and leaned closer, fairly evaluating the priorities of topics.

“Well, how serious is it?”

And it seemed to Alex that he would get stuck with picking words until tomorrow while in fact the answer jumped in at once.

“Only serious enough to dislodge a lifelong dream out of my head and anchor at its place so conveniently as if the harbour had been built for it in the first place.”

Admiration and sympathy fused in Miles’ smile.

“And isn’t it a more appropriate guest?” Alex went on, “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with having dreams and career goals, but at that point, it just grew rapacious… maybe because I had nothing else to put my mind to… because I felt like I was just some aimless waste… But Theo…” Alex paused for a second and shrugged, failing to come up with relevant lexicon at once, “You know, with him, I didn’t even think about it much. I didn’t feel like a drifting leaf, desperate to find the right stream of wind, because I was already where it felt best for me. He’s… extraordinary and quick-witted like a god but caring and easygoing like a human – either way, I, having shown myself as a devil, don’t deserve him. But if I knew there was a way to change it… letting a bloody ambition go would be the least I’d be willing to do.”

Miles stared at him in awe.

“Wow… Are you sure a person is worth giving up such an intense wish for? Do you think it would make him forgive you?”

Alex waved away.

“It’s not really about some absolution, about cleansing my conscience. Well, a bit of that, but mostly… I just want to make him happy, and I know how much he wants that chance. If he doesn’t forgive me, it’s okay. I’d understand… But this is just vain babble,” Alex added quickly, “Like I said, I don’t want to make you suffer as well.”

“Oh, Al, you mushy deer… To be honest, I wouldn’t suffer excruciatingly, but if it’s me who keeps you away from making a wrong choice, let it be.”

Even though the problem was actually far from solved, relieved atmosphere infused the air. On the outside, only the whacked sheet of paper disrupted the truce, seizing attention like a wound. Miles looked at it like an accomplished surgeon.

“Just one more thing before we let it go for now,” Miles added, “Can I borrow these psychedelic repentance chronicles for a while? I think I might have a riff or two that would be just perfect for it.”

“Please, do,” Alex sighed and moved the paper back to him, “Personally, I’d let the spilled blood dry, anyway.”

Miles followed this murky request and never mentioned “the spilled blood” throughout the next two weeks. There was solely a silent discussion through worried looks and heavy motions. It was even odd how strictly Miles kept away from the line – typically, he would rather say too much than just keep silent. The strategy of pushing the story into oblivion with legs and arms showed discouraging results. Alex was still sad and burdened, with the only difference of him writing songs regularly again, but his leitmotifs were so consistent and easy to track that every time Miles seemed to be on the verge of literally covering his mouth with hands just in case. Silence did not come easy to Alex too, and he glanced at his phone gingerly all the time. But he could not ask for Theo’s forgiveness when he had not even fully forgiven himself.

Another day was mostly similar to all the recent ones, apart from one thing – Miles had not showed up for a few days, and Alex was slugging around and pondering on his own. Loneliness goaded him to call Theo at last. He was even thinking of something wild and huge, like those glossy romcom scenes that work like a magic wand. Characters miraculously fix their conflicts at once, everyone sings, the main couple lives happily ever after…

A text from Miles interrupted the selection of sentimental episodes in the heartsick dreamer’s mind. Alex grabbed his phone, hoping that Miles was going to drop in or take him out. In isolation, his thoughts spawned much faster. The text said, “wanna come down for a cigarette? just passing by, got a few minutes”.

“Well, better than nothing,” Alex thought and rushed down the stairs just like he was – in a homely outfit of the same tattered T-shirt he had chosen to meet his future headache and loose plaid pants. His hair was disheveled and stubble uneven, but, after all, it was Miles, and Miles had seen much worse. Only when Alex leaped out of the door, he reconsidered his choices, and bright blush of embarrassment completed his unexceptional look.

The person at the door was not Miles but Theo. Obviously waiting for him, not just on his way to buy some bread or have his coat cleaned. Dressed in his usual humble and neat way… and with not a single sign of hostility in his face. Soft and gracious as ever. Alex froze like a wooden idol and stared at Theo as if he was an alien life form.

“You’re not Miles,” Alex murmured unwittingly.

“Well, sorry. Is it a problem?” Theo shrugged with a swift smile. 

Alex’s phone buzzed again, and he took it out to see another message from Miles. A winking emoji. What the hell was his tricky buildup?

“So, um… What… led you here?” Alex asked, his tongue stumbling.

“Your friend did, actually.”

“What the… How exactly?”

“Oh, it was a really big mission. A much nobler and more fortunate one than the previous plan, I must say.”

Alex blushed even more, now of guilt, and looked away. Hearing that reminder from Theo was another level of torment. But Theo did not seem to mean it as an accented rebuke. When Alex glanced at him again, he was handing him something and smiling mildly.

“Here you have the most important artefact. I think I’ve studied it diligently enough, and now’s the time to return it to the owner.”

To his horror, Alex recognised his own recent song, which Miles had taken away seemingly to work on it. Alex definitely had not expected him to become a postman slash peacemaker.

“This is, um… Listen, I didn’t really intend to…” Alex started, throwing troubled glances at his soul exposed inside out and now fluttering of wind in Theo’s hand. He fell silent and just hid the sheet in his pocket.

“And there’s more,” Theo went on, “Miles called and told me a few things… Well, actually, not just a few. It was a really long and argumentative talk because I don’t have reasons to trust your shadowy duo that easily,” Theo explained and made a theatrical pause meant for laughter. But Alex was a bit too stunned to show delectation. 

“You literally told me you would be fine with being my chastising ghost for the rest of my life. How did ‘a few things’ change that?”

“It was a whole spoken dissertation! Full of quotes, theses, examples from the past and a solid illustration from the present,” Theo said and nodded at Alex’s pocket, “More than enough to realise where the whole thing was coming from and see it only as a tiny stain in the corner a beautiful painting.”

Afraid to believe the unexpected flow of heartening information and interrupt it, Alex stared at Theo diffidently.

“And there’s also this this…” Theo spoke again and paused for a nervous inhalation, “Is it true that you wanted to give up the song because of me? Give up one of your biggest music dreams?”

“I… well, I kind of… not just because of you… but also because I sort of simmered down…”

“Could’ve lied at least for a beautiful scenic dialogue,” Theo chuckled, “Like, yes, dear Theo, it’s for you, it’s all for you. Tears, kisses, credits. Empty popcorn buckets.” 

“Okay, you’ve cracked me, that’s my line,” Alex smiled, “And I’m not even lying.”

“Don’t you dare just let it go,” Theo suddenly got serious, “Do you think I want to be the person who has broken your dream? Let fate decide instead!”

“Yeah, well… You’ve got a point. Miles is trying to push that through too. Are you two a team now? What secret persuasion techniques did he use to drag you here?”

“Well, there are two stories. The first one: your partner in crime tortured me in a sinister laboratory and made me come here under a barrel of a gun. Or the second one: back then, I was too bewildered to listen, but ever since we parted I wanted to believe you were never a villain, and then I just got the proof of what I already knew at heart .  Which story do you prefer? The first one is more showy and intense, and the second one is as cheesy as a romcom. Choose carefully.”

Theo was laughing only with his eyes, and even his silent laughter was enough to lure Alex to the jollier genre.

“Didn’t I make it clear that I’m not after high-class cinematography anymore, Theo?” Alex grinned, stepping forward, “I’ve happily accepted the fact that we’re just two syrupy buffoons from a generic back-to-back poster.”

“We are. I’d choose a softer cliché, though. Maybe this one will do?” Theo inquired quietly and pulled Alex into a close and mellow hug. Alex closed his eyes and smiled into Theo’s chest in peace.

“Do you… really forgive me?”

“Alex…” Theo sighed, cupping his face to make the words sound more convincing, “I think there are very few people who are capable of such sacrifices. Knowing what a huge deal it is for you, I can’t even imagine what must be on the other scale pan to outweigh it. And even if Miles had not talked to me, I think would’ve come back anyway. Because I couldn’t see a villain in you, no matter how often that word came up. Because, for fuck’s sake, you flirted like a kid learning to read by syllables and went rosy every time we kissed – I just couldn’t comprehend that such a guy could be malicious in the slightest!” 

“Oh, did I? Well then, are my cheeks red enough for you to take a hint?” Alex joshed.

“Can’t tell about the colour but you’re getting cheekier, that’s for sure!”

“I am,” Alex agreed and rushed into a kiss first – lightly, confidently and guiltlessly, enjoying every second of the sole opportunity to kiss his loved one without any dark fog twirling around them. The nimbus clouds above Theo’s head dissolved as well, and his embrace was secure and free from doubts. His hands, often demure before, stroked Alex’s back so tenaciously that his fingers kept stumbling upon the holes in the T-shirt. His touches felt like gentle burns on Alex’s skin, and if not for them, he would have completely forgotten how clownish his look was. 

“So, my dearest hero…” Alex started, throwing naughty glances at the windows above them, “Would you give me one more chance to find your weak spots now that I’ve got a better idea as for what to do with them?”

“It’s a pleasure to be in the hands of a qualified imp,” Theo smiled, threw the laughing tease over his shoulder and dashed upstairs at the best of his action film character speed and melodrama romancer grace. 

***

The following weeks were a complete and undisturbed idyll. They went everywhere side by side again, enamoured and set free from the fetters that used to hang on their relationship. At least it felt so, even though the big decision was yet unknown. 

There was little time to think about it just as fixedly and nervously – much happier thoughts fondled their minds. The further, the more surreal and vague the whole soundtrack story behind seemed to them. Without its shadow, romance got smoother: Alex stopped skimping on kisses and other signs of affection, Theo cut down on villain jokes, and both were just a little bit more real with each other. It was no secret from Miles and Adam this time, and they showed nothing but approval and gladness. The war on wooden swords seemed to be over.

“So from how far can you catch them?” Alex wondered with a mistrustful smirk, holding a bag of sweets in his hands. They were sitting in Theo’s flat, and Theo was insisting on demonstrating his famous talent of catching things in his mouth.

“From, like, twenty meters, I guess,” Theo boasted, bouncing around the room excitedly, “But it’s not really a good idea because you can’t see what exactly they’re throwing at you so… it might lead to some… embarrassing moments…”

“Oh fuck,” Alex laughed, “Tell me when you didn’t get into embarrassing moments. That would be a shorter list.”

“Nonexistent since I’m with you,” Theo parried and got a candy grenade, “Hey, I didn’t even get ready! Throw another one!”

“Let’s set the rules first. Five caught – I give you a kiss. Five missed – I… let’s say, I give you a slap.”

Theo pretended to zip up his shamelessly grinning lips.

“I won’t waste sweets on you then,” Alex declared, shoving a handful into his own mouth ostentatiously.

“Stop devouring sports inventory, you sugar maniac! We should work as a team!”

“Don’t we? Let’s view it like I’m just helping you miss those five sweets technically without actually wasting them.”

“Aw, how wise of you. Now let me earn a kiss as well.”

Chuckling with his mouth full, Alex threw a few sweets into the air. Jumping around like an energised puppy, eager to please its owner, Theo caught all of them masterfully. Munching with a proud grimace, he flopped down beside Alex and puckered his lips, with his eyes half-closed. Alex took another candy out of the bag, pressed it to Theo’s desirous lips and then threw it into his own mouth blithely.

“A chocokiss for you, baby.”

“That’s not the prize you promised!”

“I’ve bent the rules again, haven’t I? See, I’m back at it. Committing chocolate-glazed crimes. Such a bad boy.”

“I’ll kiss the mischief out of you, Alex,” Theo promised and pressed him to the sofa, soft curls tossed around against the red fabric. The bag of sweets slipped from Alex’s hands onto the floor. Theo arched above him and left kisses all over Alex’s face – his forehead under the fluffy bangs, his sharp cheekbones, his laughing chocolate-smeared lips. Happily, without a slightest bit of resistance and concealment, Alex giggled and lay relaxed, absorbing every caress. They could have spent a whole hour just snogging like purring cats but…

A sharp simultaneous buzz from both phones on the corner table broke into the room. Alex opened his eyes, and Theo froze amid a kiss. They looked at each other, confused and even somewhat startled: they knew what those synchronous texts meant. What if it was the end? What if the long-awaited decision would shatter them? Even after everything theyhad been though through, what if they were not ready for that kind of news, and the blissful harmony would tarnish? Either waited for another one’s reaction and did not dare say a word. 

Finally, Alex moved Theo aside carefully and sat up. He felt like he had to be the first one to make a move, whatever the messages were. Not even giving the notification a glance, Alex just reached for his phone and laid it screen down. Then he stared at Theo intently. 

“I won’t read that now. Maybe later,” Alex asserted nonchalantly and with much bigger zeal climbed Theo’s lap to go on with the kissing games. Overcoming the apparent stun, Theo hugged him and laughed with slight disbelief.

“Don’t your fingers tingle to find out?”

“They do tingle a bit. But for a different journey, I’d say,” Alex admitted, his hand sliding down across Theo’s cheek.

“So you just turn over what might be your dream face down?” 

“Ah, my dream… Actually, my dream wants me to throw candy into his mouth and smiles like he’s overthrowing the sun itself. And that… just an ego bait.” 

As if confirming the description, Theo let out a wide effulgent grin.

“Well, then…” he said and reached for his phone to hide its screen too, “Actually, I didn’t want to read it right now as well. The text won’t go anywhere.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed simply and nuzzled deeper into Theo’s embrace. They sat like that for minutes, as if checking whether one of them would break down and jump up to see the message or just irradiate a treacherous itch. But all was calm. Neither was eager to betray their harmony for the big news. And somehow Alex felt that it was the moment when both understood clearly that all the rattle was behind. The last clog on the way to full trust had gone.

“I think we can’t really postpone it for long, though,” Theo pondered aloud, “Adam and Miles might want to call us and talk about it.”

“Let’s wait until they do, then? I’d be happier to hear it from them than to read a dry formal message, whatever it says.”

“Yes, that makes sense.”

“And in case they get to their phones really soon… just one more thing before we find out,” Alex said and looked into Theo’s softly beaming eyes, “Theo, whatever the decision is, I’ll be glad and proud. I really mean it. In any case, I think we both already won, and I’m so grateful life threw us under that pouring rain, from which we built up a rainbow.” 

Visibly touched, Theo laughed and leaned forward, but Alex shushed a kiss and smirked.

“Wait, there’s something else I want to say. I guess some would consider squashing a pun into a romantic moment virtually a criminal offence, but I’ve figured we’re a special case, so, to reinvent an old line of yours…” Alex smiled and whispered, “Hail the bond that tied us.”


End file.
